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For Reference Do Not Take From the Library

Every person who maliciously cuts, defaces, breaks or injures any book, map, chart, picture, engraving, statue, coin, model, apparatus, or other work of lit- erature, art, mechanics or ob- ject of curiosity, deposited in any public library, gallery, museum or collection is guilty of a misdemeanor.

Penal Code of California

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EDITOR’S JOURNAL

Bassi

The time to SET GOALS

o you make New Year's resolutions? Or, as the New Year

approaches, do you set goals for yourself to accomplish

during the next twelve months? | am more a goal-setter than

a resolution-maker, and even though | admit | don’t always follow through, | think setting goals at this time of year is a good idea. First of all, it makes you assess the past year and think about what you'd like to change in the future about your circumstances, your rela- tionships or yourself. Then it forces you to make a practical plan to change what you don’t like, while building on your strengths. | find it helpful when setting goals to give myself a timetable for accomplishing them. (| said helpful, not foolproof.) Still, it really makes one look for- ward to a new year that can be full of potential and promise.

In this January issue, you'll find ways to achieve some of the goals that many women have at this time of the year. There is sol- id information to help you lose the weight you’ve probably

ABOVE, ATTORNEY GENERAL JANET RENO. RIGHT, GOAL- ACHIEVER DOLLY PARTON WITH ART DIRECTOR JEFFREY SAKS AND BEAUTY & FASHION DIRECTOR LOIS JOY JOHNSON

gained during holiday partying (page 76}—and wasn't it worth it@ There’s also advice on how to become a lot smarter about

family finance (page 46) and news on the newly recognized value of vitamins in preventing disease

page 64). \\nd, yes, I’ve started taking a daily dose of the antioxidants.) Recently, Ladies’ Home Journal honored Attorney General Janet Reno with a special award. At the award luncheon, she spoke pas-

sionately about the issue of children and how they are affected by the violence of our society. She made us feel that we all must do more io make our society less dangerous and to protect our children both from the violence on Ovr streets and the media’s glorification of

this violence. This month we ve Osked g group of women prosecu-

tors how they would deal with the escale%ing crime rate, and we've asked you to comment on IV violence and hoxyoy think it affects children. To continue reporting on the issue of viol€Nee.and how it

| rc Lae] C touches us and our children is one of my g or 1994.

Myrua Slyth 4 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1994

EE Ulm

KINA DLILIT Editor-in- “Chief & Publishing Director

Jeffrey Saks Art Director Mary Mohler Managing Editor Lois Joy Johnson Beauty & Fashion Director Jan Turner Hazard Food Ed Jane Farrell Articles and Fiction Editor Linda Fears Senior Eduor

ARTICLES P»mela Guthrie O’Brien features and books editor viargery D. Rosen family and child-care editor Mary Hickey senior editor Shana Aborn associate editor Melanie Berger assistant editor Karyn Dabaghian assistant editor

BOOKS AND FICTION Sarah McCraw associate editor

BEAUTY AND FASHION Nicole Taub associate editor Gwen Flamberg assistant editor FOOD Susan Sarao Westmoreland associate editor Lisa Brainerd Margot Abel LIFESTYLE Leslie Lampert editor Sharlene King Johnson associate editor Kimberlie A. Waugh assistant editor

EDITORIAL PRODUCTION Carolyn B. Noyes assistant managing editor Stephanie Makrias copy editor Mandana Massiha assistant editor PUBLIC AFFAIRS Margaret Hickey ART DEPARTMENT 3 Steven J. Charny associate art director Janet Csadenyi photo editor Stacy Novack designer Peter Cober studio manager PRODUCTION Lawrence P. Bracken manager Doreen Yip Hackett type director Kin Quon type assistant

Alberta Harbutt assistant to the editor-in-chief Donna Ortiz editorial business associate Contributing Editors

Lawrence Balter, Ph.D. Katherine Barrett

Mona Boyd Browne, R.D. Kathryn Casey Ellen Galinsky Mary Gilliatt Andrea Gross Dean Lamanna Paula Lyons Sofia Marchant Diana McLellan Carol Lynn Mith Evelyn Firestone Moschetta, D.S.W. Paul Moschetta, D.S.W. Mary Lou Mullen Andrea Rock _ Jeff Rovin a

Michael J. Weiss ‘Washington, D.C.) Rosalind Wright 7

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CONTENTS LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL

| January 1994 + VOL. CXI NO. 1 |

in the news

40 CNN NEWSLINE REPORT

LHJ teams up with the world’s news leader to bring you the latest stories. This month: the end of a diet myth: predicting heart disease; mortgage matters; spring fashion; and more.

44 WHAT'S HOT Prime-time violence—is it hurting your kids? Tell us what you think in our readers’ telephone poll.

86 VOICES OF THE DECADE: “MY MOST DIFFICULT YEAR” As we follow the lives of five American women throughout the nineties, we found out that 1993 was an especially emotional year, which, for one participant, brought the breakup of

her marriage. Here, an update on these compelling real-life dramas. By Kathryn Casey

90 TRADING PLACES

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live as aman? Or wished your husband could walk in your heels? One couple pulled off the ultimate role-switch—find out what they learned. By Sheila McDevitt and Simon Brooking

94 THE LESSON

Caught in a terrifying ordeal deep in the heart of the snow- swept Rocky Mountains last year, Brigitte Schluger thought she could count on her skiing companions for help. She was wrong. By Susan Price

98 REAL PROBLEMS, REAL SOLUTIONS

No one—not the police, not the lawmakers—seems able

to control our skyrocketing crime rate. So we went to the real experts—women prosecutors—for advice.

@,°2 personalities LOW COVER 82 GOOD GOLLY, MISS DOLLY | cost, She boasts a big business and an even bigger heart—and Ss | HIGH now, a new line of cosmetics. Catch up with one of America’s favorite country stars. By Miriam Kanner STYLE PAGE i102 e body and mind 52 PILLOW TALK: WHAT LOVING COUPLES SAY IN BED What you say between the sheets just may speak volumes about your “ relationship outside the bedroom, too. By Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D. i 62 MEDINEWS ve \ New hope for an old and often embarrassing problem—i'”" “” - » \ ies ailments. By Lauren David Peden a ~

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THE FAMILY WINTER HEALTH GUIDE 64 THE THREE VITAMINS EVERYONE SHOULD TAKE Vitamin E, vitamin C and beta-carotene. What do they have in common? Possibly the potential to save your life.

73 ASK THE PEDIATRICIAN Top doctors answer parents’ most common questions. By llene Springer

76 THE PARTY’S OVER If you indulged just a little too much in all those holiday goodies, we've got a simple menu plan to help you lose excess pounds. By Sharlene King Johnson

families today

46 MONEY MISTAKES EVERY COUPLE

MUST AVOID

Learn how you can do more than just get by on an average income. A financial planner shows two families how to build a better budget. By Andrea Gross

style

33 BEAUTY AND FASHION JOURNAL

The Oil of Olay/LHJ “Il keep getting better” contest; body-shaping lingerie; bargain boots; hot hair; and more.

102 LOW COST, HIGH STYLE

We all know how good outlet malls are supposed to be. But do they really live up to their reputation? We

sent our beauty and fashion team on a buying spree to find out. By Lois Joy Johnson

112 DIXIELAND

As a Designing Woman, Dixie Carter displayed a classic sense of style. And in real life? Come to her stunning Hollywood home and find out.

By Leslie Lampert

Cover photo, Jonathan Exley/Gamma-Liaison; hair, David Blair; makeup, Kevyn Aucoin; wardrobe, Tony Chase. All makeup from the Dolly Parton Beauty Confidence Collection Neutral Palette: “Light as a Feather’ Creme to Powder Makeup in Fair, “Light as a Feather’ Pressed Powder in Translucent, “Terrifically Thick” Mascara in Black, “Makin Eyes” Shadow Quartet in Smoky Magic, “A Kinder Liner’ Eye Pencil in Smoky, “Moisturific” Lip Color in Ten- nessee Rose, “Get Glowing” Cheek Color in Wild Honey. Photos, this page from top: Rita Maas, Timothy White/Onyx.

DECORATING WITH DIXIE /

PAGE 112

food

117 FOOD JOURNAL What's cooking in January

118 HEARTY, HEALTHY & LOW-FAT, TOO Can food that looks and tastes this great i you, too? You bet!

128 PIZZA, PIZZA, PIZZA Fifty pies that are fun for the whole family to make and even more fun to eat. By Jan Turner Hazard

144 THE LATEST DISH Super super-bowl snacks. Plus, the cold-conquering power of Mom's chicken soup.

146 INSIDE THE JOURNAL KITCHEN/RECIPE INDEX

regular features 4 EDITOR’S JOURNAL

16 CAN THIS MARRIAGE BE SAVED? “My in-laws are driving me crazy” How to cope when his parents interfere in your life. By Judith A. Reimer

23 AWOMAN TODAY

“We survived the shame” The wife of the former American University president tells how her family lived through a year of scandal. By Gail Berenazen, as told to Diana McLellan

150 LAST LOOK Resolutions of the rich and famous.

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_CAN THIS MARRIAGE BE SAVED?

The most popular, most enduring women’s magazine feature in the world 7

“My in-laws are driving me crazy”

LESLIE’S TURN “| want a divorce,” said Leslie, thirty, a petite blond. “Our five-year marriage is hope- less, and I don’t want Tom to talk me out of ending it.

“The thought of going it alone with an infant daughter is pretty scary, but I feel so alone already it can’t be much different. Since Tom’s parents moved in with us, he’s turned into a different per- son. We never talk anymore. We

THIS MONTH’S CASE IS BASED ON INTERVIEWS AND INFORMATION FROM THE FILES OF JERRON ADAMS, M.A., Sp. M.F.T., A MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST IN PRIVATE PRACTICE IN SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS, AND A CLINICAL MEMBER OF THE

By Judith A. Reimer

just scream.

“Actually, it was my idea to move my in-laws here. They had retired and moved to California, but they were very un- happy there. They had some health problems, too, so I thought that if they lived with us, we’d be in a better position to help them if they needed it. Pooling our financial assets to buy a nice house made sense, too.

“Tom had reservations about my idea, but I con- vinced him. Actually, I had never met his par- ents—they couldn’t come to our wedding be- cause his mom had been hospitalized with heart problems and didn’t want to make the long trip. But we had talked on the phone and got along great. I was so naive!

“An only child, I grew up ina very small town—there were six people in my high school graduat- ing class. My dad came from a wealthy family, but when I was ten, he was cheated out of his hardware business by a dishonest partner. We lost everything. My parents sued the man, and the only thing that kept my parents going was the

AMERICAN ASSOCIATION FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPY.

16 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1994

hope that justice, in the end, would — prevail. We ultimately lost the court case, however. After the deci- sion, my parents were devastated — and divorced a short time later. I never see my father, and speak to — my mother only rarely.

“When I was nineteen, I moved _ to San Antonio, the nearest big — city, and found a job asa clerk ina ~ department store. You can’t imag-_ ine what a culture shock that was. — But after five years, I had settled | into a quiet life. I think I fell in — love with Tom the first moment I i saw him. I had gone to a club with | my girlfriend, something I had © never done before, and there he | was in his Army uniform. We ~ danced a few times, and then he | asked me out for the next weekend. | Part of me was terrified; he was — from Boston, and my small-town upbringing made me wary of big- city types. |

“Tom was wearing a suit and tie”

roses, too. We went to an elegant” restaurant, another first for me.

“Tom had been married before © and had two small children. His” wife had left him for another man—his best friend, no less—and my heart just went out to him. But” everything seemed to be perfect be-" tween us. It wasn’t long befo Tom was making (continued)

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this marriage be saved?

-ntinued

ans for a wedding as well as for the rest . our lives, which was fine with me. He _d everything under control.

“J suppose I was so blinded by love I ‘dn’t realize how wrapped up Tom was his military career. This man lives and eathes his job. Tom is a medical lab hnician, and he signs on for every pro- 't, every extra duty and every commit- »at work; to him, that’s part of being a yod soldier.’ So, even though we were irried, I wasn’t seeing very much of \ nat all.

“*On top of that, his children—Caitlin s five at the time, and Jeremy was -ree—came to visit every other week- | 4. After an hour of token fatherhood, d inevitably have to go into work. I'd left to entertain his kids.

“But I never said anything. I just in’t know how to bring it up and yught I would sound selfish if I did. stead, I decided to surprise Tom by aing the military myself shortly after . married. My clerk’s job had no future, iI wanted to share Tom’s life more. I ded it would bring us closer.

‘Tom was furious; he resents any deci- n that’s not his. But he came around er he went with me to the recruiter ‘1 helped set me up in the computer - ning program.

‘His parents arrived just before I came ok home after my basic training. I ked in the door of our tiny apartment find the whole thing rearranged. 2re was even a sign hanging on the re- gerator saying ‘Alice’s Kitchen’— vs Tom’s mother’s name. She did ask » minded, and, of course, I said no, but veally broke my heart.

Til never forget our first Thanksgiv- morning all together. Tom’s mother ‘I were getting dinner ready. In my )id, I had always imagined it would be vonderful, the two of us in the kitchen “ing and cooking. I was peeling pota- i, and I guess I left a little bit of brown /10n one. Tom’s mother didn’t want ‘uffle my feathers, so instead, she told n to tell me. He came in and whis- -2ed in my ear, ‘Be sure to get all the 1 off.” I could have died.

“But that’s now typical of our family My mother-in-law complains to Tom ‘ut everything I do. She puts me down ‘n he’s not around. Tom says things » ‘Mom, you’ll have to teach Leslie 7 to make a pot roast like this.’ He 3m’t realize that every time I try to help ‘e anything, she informs me that her \ has never eaten anything like that and or will.

On top of this, Tom and his mother ae all the time, yelling and swearing ach other. ’'m not used to that. Tom’s «er pretends he doesn’t even hear

them, hiding behind his newspaper. Whenever I try to talk to Tom about how I feel, he tells me I’m being too sensitive.

“IT soon realized I'd become the out- sider in my own home. All the spontane- ity had gone out of our marriage. No more romantic things, like tossing a blan- ket in the back of the car and heading to the woods for an impromptu picnic.

“Despite the distance between us, Tom and I were determined to have a baby. At the time Lindsey was born, she was the only bright spot in my life. We had been married almost four years. I put Lindsey in day care—my mother-in-law couldn’t handle the responsibility of a baby—and returned to work when she was six weeks old. Tom was working crazy hours, and I was left to deal with his mother. Tom and I were hardly speaking. I know I shouldn’t have, but I began bringing the baby into our bed to sleep. I admit it was my way of telling Tom hands off. I was so mad.

“When Lindsey was two months old, we finally found a house we all agreed on. I was so relieved, thinking, again naively, that once we had a bigger place, my moth- er-in-law and I would stop getting on each other’s nerves. But things just got worse.

SKILL BUILDER The dating game

Tom and Leslie needed to rediscov- er the feelings and love they first had for each other. But, like many couples, they were so bogged down in daily hassles and serious prob- lems that they were adversaries in- stead of lovers. Their counselor suggested they play this Dating Game. Though it seemed stilted to them at first, this structured courtship period actually made them feel closer.

Mi Take turns asking each other out on a date. The one who asks has to make all the plans for the evening—choosing the restaurant, | making reservations or getting con- | cert tickets, finding a baby-sitter. M@ Prepare for these special dates | with thoughtfulness and care—wear | something special. | WM On the date, refrain from dis- cussing any current problems or | things you have to do. Forget your past history, and pretend you are just getting to know each other. Ask questions about interests, likes and dislikes, just as you would on a first date. Compliment each other.

“ve had e fact that Yom and | € 1 rst part is that Tom has bee just like his mother fit because ! had 1

drinks on the coffee side table where U

“T love Tom, but ow rt n shambles, and the only wa ve is to get out. You've got to hel vince him that divorce is the bes! everyone concerned.”

TOM’S TURN “This is just like Leslie,” said Tom, thirty-seven, a tall, serious man with a precise, disciplined manner. “She wants a divorce, and I’m the last one to know about it.

“Leslie operates entirely on emotion and impulse. Like when she joined the military. Without one word to me, she quit her job and enlisted. Mcst wives would discuss a career change with their husband, but Leslie had to ‘surprise’ me. I found out from a message on the an- swering machine. I don’t enjoy surprises. My first wife surprised me by running off with my best friend.

“It’s true I would have tried to con- vince Leslie not to get a divorce. I love her, and I love our daughter. I won’t deny we’ve had major problems, but I did try to warn her about having my par- ents move in with us. She was deter- mined we’d be this big happy family, and now that the reality didn’t match her fantasy, she’s ready to pack her bags and quit.

“There’s also no doubt that I come from a vocal family. Yelling and swearing were commonplace when I was growing up. It doesn’t mean anything, and I can’t understand why Leslie goes into such a tailspin. My father was always, well, com- placent, so I guess I expected Leslie to tune it out like he always did.

“IT should tell you that my father was an alcoholic. He’s recovered now, but be- fore he joined Alcoholics Anonymous, it was sort of Mom and me against the world—my two sisters are seven and ten years older than I am. We never knew irom one day to the next what he would be like when he got home from work. I think yelling allowed us to let off steam over the frustration and anger both of us were feeling about Dad. We always knew there was love underneath.

“IT moved out when I went to college, which went over like a lead balloon with my mother; she had depended on me for so long. I loved my independence, but I wasn’t especially excited about college. Some Vietnam veterans in my classes got me interested in the military, though, so I decided to drop out and en- list in the Army.

“Except for a couple of low moments, I even loved basic training. ’'d had twelve years of parochial schooling, (continued)

19

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Can this marriage be saved? continued 4 so the discipline wasn’t anything née me. The rest of the guys were in §} from being yelled at all the time again, that wasn’t new for me eil Once I got over the shock of Leslie’ listment, I was proud that she wante serve in the Army, too. “Leslie was so easy to love, so sil and refreshing. When I met her, Jj just gotten divorced, and I felt shy awkward dating again. I didn’t t she’d go out with me; she didn’t k was just as excited and nervous a was. I think I fell in love with her night, too. “Then, immediately after we mat Leslie started campaigning to hav parents move in with us. I tried t her that my mother is the kind of son who is happy being unhappy she wouldn’t listen. I loved Les compassion. Besides, splitting th with them was the only way we cou! ford a house, which was somethin both wanted. B “Right away, I felt the pressure. | working long hours at the lab, sine research we were involved with 4 time was critical, and, besides, I w cited about it. I was stressed to thet ing point, and suddenly I had to with a new bride, my parents anc putes over potato peelings. d “You know, Leslie never told mé much it bothered her that my moth arranged the furniture. And she 1 told me that my mother criticize cooking. I thought Leslie was rel that Mother was there to cook and since she had a new full-time job. “Took, I know my mother can be cult. But it’s easier to placate het fight her. I’ve been doing that all m Why can’t Leslie? Her remark a ken fatherhood hurts. She was th who wanted to be close to my k thought she wanted the time to d her own relationship with them. “Lately, I feel my world is clos

on me. I’ve got a stressful job, a cr mortgage, a new baby, an ex-wife ar kids. On top of that, I feel guilty I can’t make peace between my V my parents. 4 “Leslie says ve changed. ¥ think she’s the one who’s change is no longer interested in being and makes it clear she doesn’t W have sex, since she has been bri Lindsey into bed with us wheney wakes up. “No, I don’t want a divorce.

as my wife that our family is torn a

THE COUNSELOR’S TURN “The | were struggling with so many pre} that even a couple who commu

20 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANI

] would be under stress,” said the nselor. “Leslie and Tom had such se- is communication problems, I wasn’t yrised that they were in such turmoil. ile it was clear that the arrangement h Tom’s parents was not working, 4 Leslie and Tom continued to feel ty about it. Neither was able to dis- . the subject without exploding. Tom and Leslie are sincere, likable ple, and both of them had known siderable pain. They also shared a line compassion for the needs of oth- Unfortunately, from the beginning of r relationship, they had put every- g and everyone ahead of themselves. y didn’t know themselves or each x, their needs, desires or dreams. they had never had the chance to es- ish themselves as a couple before ’s parents moved in. vike many children of alcoholics, _yearned for stability and order. His lized vision of military life and re- sibility gave him a convenient ex- ‘to ignore the problems in his viage. Leslie had also been raised in mpredictable, emotionally barren -e. On a lifelong quest for the happy ly life she had lost at an early age, lesperately hoped her in-laws would vie void. Ven they met, Leslie and Tom each _sived the other as having the missing _ they needed to make their life com- _, Leslie was attracted by Tom’s big- | background; he was the soph- » ted man who would be decisive and »ate her in the ways of the world. i ever, though Tom bought roses, .e gave him far more credit in this ‘tment than he deserved. Having at- »2d an all-male high school, Tom’s »lence with the opposite sex was lim- . Shy, demure Leslie seemed ideal wared to his wayward first wife and ) neering mother. »om’s assessment of their basic per- : ities was correct. He operated on |, Leslie operated on emotion. This ination of ‘feeler’ and ‘thinker’ can ery effective in a marriage when complement each other. Unfortu- :y, by the time I saw these two, the ties that had attracted them to each ' had become intimidating and irri- »3. My goal was to build on their one love and concern for each oth- | elfare. “uring our first few sessions, Tom ; veslie tended to talk more to me ‘0 each other. But in time, and with dance, they grew more comfortable ssing their feelings to each other. lig one session, they discovered that oth yearned for time alone together bad never made it a priority. Now € agreed to hire a baby-sitter every

for a family outing with all three children. They’ve also promised to discuss any new plans or extra projects with each other be- fore committing to do them. Leslie also realized that bringing their daughter into their bed was a childish way of get- ting back at her husband, and she’s agreed not to do it.

“Because of their poor communication skills, this couple ran into problems whenever conflict arose. I pointed out that Leslie’s stoic refusal to vent her anger and frustration was just as damaging to the peaceful home they both wanted as Tom’s yelling was. Tom was honestly baffled at his wife’s unhappiness since she had never expressed her feelings to him. Once he was aware of how hurt she had been, he was much more conscious of making comments about his mother’s cooking— and less willing to play middleman be- tween her and his mother. Instead of placating Mom, he tried hard to support his wife. Instead of tuning out when his mother spoke to Leslie, he came to his wife’s defense whenever his mother made a cutting remark.

“At this point, I outlined some fair- fighting strategies for them: Whenever tempers started to flare, I told them, they had to agree to stick to one subject at a time. What’s more, they had to give each other a chance to say everything they had to say, without criticizing, judging or interrupting. If they couldn’t resolve a dispute, they learned to set a time limit of no more than one half hour for discussion, at which point, they would table the discussion but set another time and place to resume the conversation.

“This structured form of discussion enabled Tom and Leslie to finally come to some hard decisions about his parents. They decided to put their house on the market and look for a smaller one so that their mortgage payments would be more manageable. They were very lucky and got back what they paid for the house. They’ve asked Tom’s parents to move to an apartment complex for senior citizens a few miles away, where they will be safe and well cared for.

“As the tension eased at home, as Leslie saw her husband stand up to his mother and support her, these two began to feel much closer. Tom was also more

relaxed at home, and while he will proba- |

bly always be more conscious of neatness and order than Leslie is, they have both learned to laugh at this idiosyncrasy rather than argue about it.

“ ‘We've had our own basic training |

in marriage,’ Tom said at one of our last sessions. Leslie agreed: ‘I think we

feel much more capable of handling |

>»

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CAN THIS MARRIAGE BE SAVED? is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation.

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WE SURVIVED the shame

By Gail Berendzen. as told to Diana McLellan

ichard Berendzen,

Ph.D., left his job as

president of American

University, in Wash-

ington, D.C., in 1990,

after it was discovered that he had been making sexually oriented phone calls to female child-care providers. Through therapy, Berendzen came to realize that his acts were the result of terrible abuse he suffered in his youth. Fis recent book, “Come Here: A Man Over- comes the Tragic Aftermath of Childhood Sexual Abuse” (Villard Books), explains his tortured past and his struggle to face it squarely. Though Berendzen’s life has since

returned to sanity, a crisis like this affects everyone close to the sur- vivor, as his wife, Gail, explains:

The call that changed my life came on Saturday, April 7, 1990. It was my hus- band, phoning from the law of- fice of the uni- versity’s board of trustees. “Bun- ny,” said Richard, “if I ever needed you, I need you now. I’ve made some phone calls that the po- lice are investigating. And I’ve re- signed the presidency.”

Phone calls? Police? His words struck me like a fist. What was he talking about? Richard was a bril- liant astronomer and physicist, a

4 wonderful father to our two adult

How could I stay with a husband who subjected women to obscene phone calls? Because | know the horrible The cn

secret that drove him to «

daughters, and for ten highly suc

cessful years the president of Am

ican University (Al h dn’

be happening—to him or us Numb, bewildered, my mind

spinning, [ sat in the kitchen of the

AU president’s residence, where

we'd been so happy. The university

his wl

Into it,

weeks. | uppol

given up my own school curriculum coordi

I organized events and ent

faculty and students. But |

strain had been taking its toll on

Richard. My recent h

had only added to his worry. After three hours, Richard

walked in,

sterectom\

his face deathly white. He held me tight as he

over and

said, “I’m so sorry,” over. He had made “inappropri ate” phone calls, though he couldn’t elaborate and said he didn’t know why he had done it. “T never wanted to hurt the uni- versity, you or anybody,” he said. I felt helpless, heartsick. Everything I knew and trusted had suddenly, unaccountably collapsed. Yet I had to be strong.

I didn’t press Richard for de- tails. This may seem strange, but though our twenty-six years together had been happy, ours was a somewhat reserved mar- We had both remained private

riage. nonintrusive people who didn’t reveal much of our

t

inner selves to each other. So it

truthfully never occurred io me to demand answers

of him. He'll tell

me when he’s ready, I thought.

thing that was clear

was that Richard needed help. Af- creet inquiries, he made plans

a as

to check in to the sexual-disorders clinic at Johns Hopkins University, in nearby Baltimore.

Throughout the drive Monday evening, Richard apologized over and over, his face contorted with pain. But I couldn't (continued)

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A woman today

continued

be so cruel to him as to ask him to tell me what he’d done. I still hadn’t wept. I had to cope.

At Hopkins the next morning, I wait- ed in a corridor while Richard saw Dr. H. Martin Malin for his first interview. Sud- denly, from that office, I heard a terrible, wild, primal cry—like a mortally wound- ed animal. Could that sound have come from the man I thought I knew so well? But when Richard came out two hours later, his face revealed nothing.

Next, he saw another staff member, Dr. Fred Berlin. This time, it was the noise of wrenching sobs I heard through the door. ’d never dreamed such pain was inside my husband. But all he said afterward was, “It was rough.”

Later that day, Richard was admitted to a locked ward for what we hoped would be only a day or two. I returned home and spent hours mechanically giv- ing calm, nonspecific answers to every- one who called. It was only that night, as I was putting away Richard’s clothes, that the grief finally hit me. I collapsed to the floor and cried myself to sleep.

The following few days were a night- marish blur. Word had leaked out days before that Richard was leaving, and The Washington Post broke the news of his “retirement” on Wednesday. That same day, Richard’s doctors began to ask me what I knew about his parents and his background. Could his behavior have sprung from something in his past?

Then came the first hint of the content of my husband’s phone calls. Our lawyer called that week to warn me that our house would be searched that day for evi- dence of child sexual abuse. Sure enough, a detective arrived and looked over every inch. Of course, he found no such evi- dence, but the violation of our privacy filled me with shame.

Soon after that, I went to visit Richard again. Tense and purposeful, he sat heav- ily on the bed and asked me to take the chair in front of him. My husband is known as a wonderfully eloquent speak- er—but this time, his speech was broken, stumbling, filled with tears, agonizing si- lences and rushed, half-swallowed words. His doctors had insisted that he tell me everything and spare no detail, he said.

It took two hours for Richard to reveal the horrendous story. When he was eight, he had discovered his parents in bed together. His mother had called him in—“Come here!”—and made him join them. That was the beginning of what would be many instances of his mother’s abuse. Time after time, she had forced him to have sex with her. She was physi- cally brutal, too, taking his pants down and beating him with a yardsuck until he couldn’t breathe.

24 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1994

a

As I sat there, torrential emo} rushed through me—horror as well tremendous love and respect. How ¢ he have been through that unspea) childhood and still grow to beco} wonderful husband, father and man}

He told me the long-buried mem had resurfaced in 1987, when Richa’ tended his father’s funeral back i hometown. While looking for a st bury his father in, he entered the room where he had been molested: fell apart emotionally. Haunted bi past, he began scanning the classi for women advertising child-care sei and calling them—at first infrequi then more often. Not understan why, Richard felt the need to ask children and adults in a sexual coi hoping to resolve the questions tha weighed on his mind for so long.

I could see the fear in Richard’s e fear that I would leave him. But a moment did I feel ashamed or ed—only heartbroken to see the love in such agony. Then somet stirred in me that I had never felt b murderous rage. If his mother had there, I know I would have killed he

Taking a deep breath, I spoke di from the heart. “I love you now than I ever loved you before,” I can’t believe you have done so 1 wonderful things with all of that you.” Love and gratitude sho Richard’s face as we hugged and We now see that talk as the benchm the past three years—a moment in} both of us were, in a way, reborn.

Suil, nothing in my own happy Iii prepared me for this. Somehow I mai to get home that day, and I didn’t) what to do with myself. I took the fi pictures we had of Richard’s parent furiously threw them into the bae. cabinet. I paced around for seven 1} our dog at my heels.

All sorts of odd things now beg make sense. Richard’s mother had 4 acted strangely, but I'd thought sl just unbalanced and malicious. ' our daughter Natasha was just fiy overheard my mother-in-law tellin “Your mother is a slut and a whore should hate her! Just love your ¢ and me!” We never left her alone the children again after that.

Obsessed with her son, she fo him for years wherever he moved, apartments nearby. My husb been angrier at that than de him before. Now I understood w

This crisis left me feeling so a felt I couldn’t confide even in my friend. Adding to my misery, the skulked around our house at a hoping to uncover what they were our dirty secrets. :

If I regret anything, it’s that I} tell our daughters (continued on p

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A woman today

continued from page 24

what I knew right away. I wanted to pro- tect them, but the silence just increased their anxiety. By the time I flew to Boston in mid-April to visit eighteen-year-old Natasha at college, a reporter from The Washington Post had already phoned her to ask about her father’s “improprieties.” Natasha was understandably upset, but when I told her everything, she was sym- pathetic and nonjudgmental.

Debbie (Richard’s daughter from his first marriage), then thirty-four, called him right away: “If your body were hurt- ing, people would send you flowers,” she said. “But if your mind is hurting, they throw bricks.”

Inevitably, The Washington Post found out the truth and ran a front-page story on Richard. Now the world knew. After the news broke, our phone didn’t stop ringing; surprisingly, though, most of the calls were from people we knew, of- fering their support. Even the AU stu- dents, who I’d thought would be the first to protest, were behind us.

Richard checked out of the clinic on May 4. That same day, the Post carried a story about the woman who had reported

misdemeanor first-offense counts of plac- ing indecent phone calls. He was given two suspended thirty-day sentences and ordered to continue his outpatient therapy.

That wasn’t the end of our ordeal, however. Richard agreed to an interview on ABC’s Nightline that same evening, hoping to explain the truth of the situa- tion. But having his most closely held se- crets blared nationwide was humiliating, not enlightening. Once again, Richard became deeply depressed.

I didn’t know how to help my hus- band—or myself, for that matter. I felt, in a strange way, that I had ceased to ex- ist. I no longer had things to do, to think about or to plan for. In the midst of all this, we had to move out of the presi- dent’s house that summer.

And then, suddenly, the most wonder- ful thing happened. In June, a small group of Washington women said they wanted to hold a little luncheon for me. The event grew and grew until it became so large that it filled a large hotel ball- room to overflowing. It was the most moving show of support I had ever seen. Women from all walks of life whom I had come to know gathered to say: We are with you, Gail. One woman, a prominent Washingtonian, pulled me close as she

l was terrified that Richard might try suicide. “lam dead!”

he’d shout. “You’re simply seeing a corpse that should be buried!”

his calls to the police. She said that Richard had phoned her many times, asking whether she and her husband had sex with the children she supervised.

This was the first I had heard of the ac- tual subject matter of Richard’s calls. I felt terrible about the woman and the intru- sion into her life, but all the same, I under- stood the reasons behind my husband’s acts. He never tried to justify them, and he even sent a letter of apology to the woman through the police. But I knew others wouldn’t understand. How could they?

Hounded by the media, we continued to suffer. Richard read or lay in bed all day, refusing to leave the house. I felt overwhelmed by his despair, and I was terrified that he might attempt suicide. “I am dead!” he’d shout at me. “I died! You’re simply seeing a corpse that should be buried!”

Somehow, we survived until the May 23 hearing. Richard pleaded guilty to two

left and whispered, “I was abused, too.”

This group has since become the core of the support and networking organiza- tion I run now: Women of Washington, Inc. We have monthly luncheon meet- ings, and I interview special guests like Helen Thomas, White House bureau chief for United Press International.

Yet there have been times when the despair has returned to torture us. The low point was the night we stopped at a gas station and a car of college kids drew up beside us. One recognized Richard, did a double-take, then pointed to us and mimed telephoning as his friends laughed. Choking back my tears, I thought: This will be with us forever.

Richard underwent psychiatric treat- ment for about a year. Today, after taking 1991 off on administrative leave, he is back at American University—this me as a physics professor whose lectures are very popular. (After prolonged disputes

28 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL — JANUARY 1994

over his contract and severance,

school agreed to keep him on in this pacity.) In his spare time, he also wo} in programs for victims of child abuse

Richard’s mother is now in her eigi ies and senile. In 1991, when she coy no longer care for herself, we placed ] in a good nursing home. She does 1 discuss the past.

These last few years have been hardest of our lives, and we’ve be changed a lot as a result. Richard’s fa a wonderful ability to ferret out feelin We’re sharing our souls and becom1 closer than ever before. Even his stude feel free to confide their personal pr lems to him. Best of all, he is strony and happier than ever.

I’ve learned so much: how very ded I love my husband, how important F friends are, how wonderful women can! to one another, and how compassion young people can be, as well. I’ve aj learned that we’re all hostages of our pz and that in crises, you discover streng you didn’t know you had. I have a dé faith that is even stronger now. }

Our family has touched bottom a found out in the process what’s impt tant. And despite our travail—or perhg because of it—we now feel at peace.

For more information

For more information on child sex ual abuse, contact: Childhelp/IO} Foresters National Child Abusé Hotline, 6463 Independence Av enue, Woodland Hills, CA 91367 800-4-A-CHILD; Incest Survivor Resource Network Internationa P.O. Box 7375, Las Cruces, Ni 88006-7375, 505-521-4260. Fa information on sex offenders, con tact: The Program in Huma Sexuality, The University of Min nesota Medical School, 130i South Second Street, Minneapolis MN 55454. The program offer treatment and referrals for sex of | fenders, abuse victims and person with other sexuality problems, ant will answer specific questions b mail; please include a self addressed, stamped envelope. An the American Association of Educators, Counselors a Therapists, 435 North Michig Avenue, Suite 1717, Chicago, } | 60611, will send a list of certified therapists in your state if you ir clude a check for $3 and a sel addressed, stamped envelope.

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HAVE YOUR SHOES HIT THE SKIDS? WE'VE PUT TOGETHER THE ULTIMATE REPAIR GUIDE

inter weather can

be rough on

leather shoes. But before you toss your fa- vorites—or wear out a new purchase—read these ex- pert tips from Jim Rocco, owner of Jim’s Shoe Repair, NYC. My shoes are spotted with water stains. Allow shoes to dry away from di- rect heat. Fill a bowl! with soapy water (regular

bar soap is best), dip a soft tooth- brush in the bowl and rub the

brush first over the stains, then ~ the whole shoe. “Let dry thoroughly.

A piece of leather is hang- ing from my shoe. Don’t try

over

to glue it on yourself—this needs to be repaired by a professional who uses a special type of rubber- based cement.

What’s the correct way to shine shoes? Use a neutral shoe cream like Meltonian. Rub a small amount over the shoe with a soft cloth,

working small sections at a time. Repeat. Let dry, and buff thoroughly with a soft cloth.

So what are the

colored

creams for? Colored creams are best for filling in scratches. Apply with a cotton swab, let dry, then go over entire shoe with neutral

\. cream.

\ Can suede be re- , vived? Suede shoes should be brushed after every wearing. If your suede

Fj} shoes look f dull, brush ‘them with a

i suede brush, then pass them through the steam of a boiling teakettle. The steam will instantly re- store the color.

What about patent leather? Keep patent-leather shoes shiny and new by cleaning them regularly with a soft

cloth and a solution of

white vinegar and water.

How do I keep my new shoes shipshape? All new shoes—leather, suede or fabric—should be sprayed with a stain protector

36 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL — JANUARY 1994

such as Meltonian Water and Stain Protector before

you wear them. Hold can six from

inches shoe and light- ly spray (don’t

saturate) all over. @ Leather boots and hik-

ing boots need a heavier

product, like mink oil.

@ If you’re generally hard on your shoes, have new shoes outfitted with rubber toe and heel taps at your lo- cal shoe repair. Cost: $2.50. @ After every wearing, wipe leather shoes with a soft cloth, brush suede shoes, and wipe inner lin- ings with a cloth damp- ened with soapy water.

@ Store shoes in fabric shoe bags or wrapped in white tissue paper, or in shoe box-

es with tissue paper.

able in real-looking few of our favorites: C

Chestnut; Revlon Creme Blush in C Pink; Clarion Sh Creme-Powder Blush Blossom. 3

THE AT-HOME SHOE-REPAIR KIT

Have these products on hand at all times: a neutral shoe cream; colored shoe creams in shades that match your shoes; a water and stain protector; soft, clean cloths or pieces of old cotton T-shirts; a mild bar soap; a soft — toothbrush; white vinegar; white | tissue paper and cotton swabs. —

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WHAT’S HOT

LHJ’s follow-up on current news, views and who’s whos

Is it hurtin

your we 7

arents have always worried about the por- trayal of violence in the media and its effects on their kids, but late- ly, the problem seems

to have reached a cri- sis point. Recently, a five-year-old boy in Ohio set his family’s mobile home on fire, killing his two-year-old sister. His mother blamed the controversial TV show Beavis and Butt-head, which featured a character who was ob- sessed with fire, often playing with matches and committing arson. A week later, several young men were -in separate incidents—after lying down in the middle of the road, apparently in imitation of a scene trom the movie The Program, in which a drunken athlete shows off by lying in the middle of the road. And in a world where Howard Stern’s raunchy rantings can be heard by any young- ster flipping on a radio, parents long “dirty” jokes were merely embarrassing rather than racist, mean and pornographic.

No one knows just how much kids

run over

for the days when

are influenced by the images they get from the media, but almost everyone agrees exposure has some effect on attitudes, if not behavior. “I think me- dia programming depends on a risk factor,” says Leonard Berkowitz, Ph.D., a psychologist in Wisconsin

44 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL -

who specializes in media vio- lence. “Lots of people get ideas from what they see or hear. It’s a question of acting on those things, and in most of us, these feelings of aggression die down.” One New York City mother of a twelve-year-old boy agrees. “Vio- lence is what little boys talk about and laugh about,” she says. “| think the real issue is what kind of kid you have to begin with.” Still, others worry that making light of nastiness can cause more harm than good. “Children learn by copying,” says Leonard Eron, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Michigan who specializes in the de- velopment of aggression in children. “And if what they see is done in a hu- morous light, they don’t think the be- havior is harmful.”

If no one’s sure about the problem, no one’s really sure about the solution either. MTV responded to the Beavis and Butt-head incident by moving the show to a later time slot (ten-thirty P.M. instead of seven P.M.), when young children will be less likely to see it, and by eliminating all references to fire. Disney cut the offending road scene from The Program. And Attor- ney General Janet Reno has spoken strongly about the need to control the amount of violence and evil shown on TV. For now, concerned parents might heed Berkowitz’s old-fashioned advice. “Ex-

however, want to

JANUARY 1994

plain this is all make- believe, and then condemn and criti- | cize the material,” he says. “Or just don’t let the kids watch.”

LET US HEAR FROM YOU

How do you feel about the controversy |

over violence in the media? We’d like

to know. You can tell us by taking part |

in our telephone poll. Call 900-820-—

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Press 2 for no

Do you restrict their viewing or listening in any way? 4 Press 1 for yes 2 Press 2 for no; | don’t worry about if Press 3 for no; | can’t control what they're exposed to 4 Do you favor legislation that would regulate violence in tt media?

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FAMILY FINANCE

MISTAKES

every couple must

Can anyone today do more than just survive

avoid

on an ordinary salary? Yes, but it’s tough. Learn what these families are doing right and wrong—and what you need to know to make it in the

nineties. By Andrea Gross

harsh economic times, even a middle-class

income ($54,000 for a two-

n these

job family) doesn’t guaran- alone affluence. Today, it’s a rare family indeed that isn’t worried about saving for retirement or the kids’

tee security, let

education. And when money ts this tight, its important that couples make the right financial decisions. Like millions of families across the

country, the two families here, the Winterses and the Inderiedens, are struggling with issues of how much money to spend, how much to save and how it should be saved. Yet, though they live in the same metropolitan area—Minneapolis St. Paul, where the cost of living is close to the national average—each has a very different financial situa- tion. Read their stories, and learn from their mistakes and successes.

46 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1994

JANE AND MARK WINTERS This couple’s money crises began long before they were married. Jane, who was just getting started as a legal secretary, was raising her daughter, Tara, on her own. They were, she says, “barely getting by.” Since her take-home pay of $734 a month covered only the essentials—rent, utilities, groceries—Jane used credit cards for the extras. In 1988 she met Mark, who was then working in

Er

SAVING FOR THE FUTURE: THE INDERIEDEN FAMILY (FAR LEFT). GETTING OUT OF DEBT: THE WINTERS FAMILY

the accounting department of the law firm where she worked. The young couple got married in September 1989, and Heather was born sixteen months later. Although Jane, now twenty-nine, received 70 percent of her pay dur- ing her maternity leave, things were tight without her full salary. So the couple charged their credit cards to the limit, buying diapers for the baby and toys for Tara. “We didn’t want her to feel left) out,” explains Jane. About that time, as parents of an infant and a five-year-old, Jane) and Mark decided they were fed up with apartment living. In April 1991 they found a 900-square-foot, © two-bedroom home for $65,000. “We knew a house would cost” more than an apartment, but with the interest rates going (continued)

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Money mistakes continued

down, we thought this was our opportu- nity to buy a home,” says Jane. “So we borrowed from our folks [to get the $5,000 down payment].” They filled their new home with furniture from their apartment and with hand-me-downs from friends and relatives.

The couple had barely arranged their belongings when they encountered some bad luck. Jane had to have gallbladder surgery, and while insurance paid most of the medical bills, she was out of work for eight weeks. Again, she received only 70 percent of her normal salary.

But Jane isn’t willing to blame all of

their financial troubles on misfortune. “We just didn’t budget,” she says. “And we’re both impulsive spenders. I go to sales, and if I see something I like, [ll get it. | also spend a little more on gifts than I probably should. Mark’s weak spots are fishing equipment and sporting goods.”

It’s no surprise, then, that Jane and Mark are in over their heads—although both have good jobs that give them an annual income of nearly $61,000. Not counting loans for their home and two cars, both of which they bought used, their combined debts are approximately $26,000. Finance charges on these debts cost them more than $4,000 a year.

Next to their mortgage, which is $509 a month, child care is the Winterses’ biggest expense. Day care for seven-year- old Tara and two-and-a-half-year-old Heather takes $417 a month, or just more than $5,000 a year. Another $4,134 per month goes toward necessities like credit- card payments, food, clothes, insurance and taxes. The bottom line: They have just $20 a month for discretionary use.

It would be tempting for someone in this situation to declare bankruptcy. “Absolutely not,” says Jane. “We are not going to tarnish our financial record.”

THE PLANNER’S ADVICE Instead, on the advice of Laurie Laner, a certified financial planner, the Winterses have gone on an austere debt-reduction program. “Jane and Mark must reduce their debt now,” says Laner. “Debt is a double whammy. They are paying inter- est on something they already own, and they are prevented from earning interest on the money they are making. The sooner they are debt free, the sooner they can start amassing money for the future.” To eliminate all consumer debt (ex- cept mortgage and car payments), Jane and Mark must squeeze at least $1,252 out of their budget every month for twenty-two months. As one creditor gets paid off, they can apply the money allo- cated to that loan to reducing their other

48 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL = JANUARY 1994

debts more quickly. : For a long-term financial diet this, the right psychological attitude must. Laner encourages them t¢ proach their personal finances as if were running a small business. 4 business, you watch every income expense item so that you maintain profitability and grow,” she says. Luckily, time is on the couple’s: Jane and Mark each have more than ty years before retiring at age sixty ample opportunity to learn to run “business.” As in all successful vem however, there must be communic But Jane and Mark have always kep) arate bank accounts, and that may b reason they got into trouble. Neithe knew what the other was doing. Laner suggests they put their ¢ salaries into one checking account) which they pay their fixed expens as credit-card payments, mortga’ ties, day care, insurance and taxes every week they each can with specified amount to cover more fi ly flexible needs like groceries and entertainment. Eventually, Laner says, th should put $10,000 a year into ani ment that returns 10 percent (whic says, is what growth-stock fund on average over the long term). But for now, Laner says, the ¢

|

4

> 4 a

to take some emergency measures. t, she advised Mark to stop his cur- 3211 monthly contribution to his re-

ent plan until he and Jane pay off

debts and build up an emergency “This is an extreme suggestion, but Vinterses are in an extreme situa- Under the circumstances, this move ranted,” says Laner.

sht now the Winterses have only 0 available to them in case of an gency like another illness. This wor- vaner, who recommends that people a safety net equal to three months’ home pay. For the Winterses that s gradually building their emergen- erve to about $14,000.

d though each of them has medical lisability insurance through their the couple are dangerously under- ed in other areas, Laner says. “They more life insurance,” she says. ir debts would not be canceled in yent of a death. With only one in- , it would be very difficult for the ning spouse to survive financially.” arly two years is a long time to stay financial program as strict as this If Jane and Mark could increase income by an extra $200 or $300 a h, they could get back to normal : several months sooner—a move uaner thinks would be wise both logically and financially. Since works from seven P.M. until four he may be able to help out more he children, reducing the Winters- fty outlay for day care. Moonlight- dy either Mark or Jane—is another ility.

AMILY’S REACTION

nd Mark are delighted with most of ’s advice. “To get a third person’s 2ctive is great,” says Mark. The after they met with her, they cut up redit cards.

> following week they opened a hecking account. “This was some- we'd been talking about before,” ane, “but we didn’t know exactly ) manage it.” Now their paychecks o the account, and they pay their ¢ bills from the joint account. Jane rare of the food shopping and the -2n’s needs, and Mark is responsible ‘ands, family outings and special -” with Jane. They each pay for ywn clothes and personal items. plan seems to be working well,” ne. »pite Laner’s warning, Jane and --like many young people—feel in- | able and consider life insurance a \ority. And they are not interested onlighting. “Our family is more want,” says Jane. “With our kids as nas they are, we want to spend as ime with them as possible.” | tt now the couple is in a squeeze,

but they believe it’s not permanent. They dream of the day when they can take Tara and Heather to Disney World and move into a larger home.

In the meantime, Jane has two warn- ings for other couples: “Start out with a budget. Change it periodically as you see fit, and always know where your money is going.” And, she adds, “It’s much bet- ter to pay cash for things. Cards are con- venient, but they can get away from you.”

LORI AND JOE INDERIEDEN

“Sure, we'd like to have more money, but we're really doing fine. We’ve never been in a paycheck-to-paycheck struggle,” says thirty-two-year-old real estate agent Lori Inderieden, speaking from the kitchen of her new four-bedroom home. Lori and her husband, Joe, a thirty-four-year-old insurance underwriter, purchased their home almost two years ago. Their home is—along with their two sons—their greatest pride. “We want to make it a place the four of us can enjoy right now,” says Lori.

And they are. With a combined annual income of $54,660, the Inderiedens have enough money to do most of what they want to do—today. But the future may present a problem. “From the standpoint of making a living and paying their bills, Lori and Joe are doing a wonderful job,” says Steve Finkelstein, a financial plan-

er. “But from the standpoint of support- ing retirement, investment and educational goals, they’re not on track.”

The Inderiedens have a $130,000 mortgage on their 2,400-square-foot home, but it’s not the monthly payments of $995 that eat into their cash flow. It’s the extras. “In order to get the house at a price we were comfortable with, we didn’t have the fourth bedroom or third bath finished off,” says Lori. They’ve since finished those rooms and added $1,000 worth of landscaping.

Aside from their home, most of their time and extra dollars go toward low-cost activiues that they enjoy with their boys, Nick, eight, and Andy, five. They go to the park for picnics and on day trips to the beach or amusement park. “We don’t

ever stay home because of money, but we |

don’t do a lot of expensive things either. We sometimes take Nick and Andy to sporting events, like the Twins baseball games, but most of the time we’re pretty

conservative. And we don’t have any of | the big toys, like boats or jazzy new cars,” |

says Lori, who drives a 1988 Ford Tau rus. Joe has a 1988 Mazda 323.

Day care, which is a major expense for most young families, isn’t a concern for the Inderiedens. Lori works three days a week for a building contractor, showing his model homes to prospective buyers. Her sister-in-law, Kathy, takes care of Nick and Andy two of the days, and Joe is in charge during Lori’s (continued)

49

FR, &

xy

S

=

CANDY BE ie ATURE INTENDED:

Money mistakes

continued

weekend shift. In return, Lori watches Kathy’s children while Kathy does her stint as real estate agent.

When the Inderiedens first listed their monthly expenses for financial planner Finkelstein, there was $632 that didn’t fit under any specific heading. Most of this money, says Lori, was probably dribbled away when Joe, who is a voracious read- er, went into a bookstore or when she saw something special for their home. Recently, for example, Lori bought a Wedgwood-blue reclining sofa and loveseat for $1,400 to put in the family room. To go along with that, she pur- chased a painting of a tree-shaded cob- blestone lane. And of course there are always extras for the boys that don’t seem to fit into any particular budget category, like the $176 she spent to enroll them in summer activities.

THE PLANNER’S ADVICE

While Finkelstein realizes the impor- tance of these expenditures, he'd like to see more of the Inderiedens’ discretionary income put into savings for their future. He believes that young couples should aim to set aside 15 percent of their net income for long-term investment growth. For the Inderiedens this means almost $550 per month.

Right now their only savings strategy is an $86 monthly contribution to the 401(k) pension plan offered by Joe’s em- ployer. Since this money is paid in pretax dollars and the interest is tax deferred, it is an excellent savings vehicle. Finkel- stein encourages Joe to increase his monthly contribution by at least $200.

In addition, he recommends that the Inderiedens put $100 a month into mutu- al funds. Lori and Joe currently have their money invested very conservatively in certificates of deposit and money mar- ket funds. But if they are willing to ac- cept a bit more risk and put some of their money in growth-stock mutual funds, they can expect to get a much higher rate of return. “And, at their age, they have time to recover if something goes wrong,” says Finkelstein.

Starting early and investing aggres- sively are both vital factors in accumulat- ing wealth. If Lori and Joe invest $2,000 each year in a fund that earns 5 percent, in thirty years they will have nearly $133,000. But if they wait ten years be- fore beginning to set aside $2,000 a year, they will have only $66,000. That addi- tional $20,000 of investment will have doubled their expected return.

Another future expense is college for Nick and Andy. By the time Nick is ready for college in the year 2003, four years at the University of Minnesota will cost around $25,000 for just tuition and

books. By the time Andy begins in the year 2006, the price probably will have increased to nearly $30,000. That means the boys will have to flip a lot of ham- burgers if their parents don’t help out.

But, says Finkelstein, Lori and Joe can save enough to cover these expenses if, starting now, they put $175 a month into a Uniform Gift to Minors account. Under this plan, $600 of interest in- come per child per year will be tax free until the child reaches fourteen. After age fourteen, all interest income earned in these accounts will be taxed at the child’s rate, which will be lower than his parents’.

According to Finkelstein, the In- deriedens are financially vulnerable in the event of an emergency. Lori and Joe have only $6,500 available in their sav- ings and checking accounts. If they use some of their discretionary income (of about $500 monthly), they can gradually increase this to at least $10,000—enough to cover three months’ expenses.

In addition, while the Inderiedens have auto and home-owners insurance, they are underinsured in case of a major tragedy. If, for example, Joe or Lori were in an auto accident that resulted in the injury of several people, a settlement of $1 million would not be unusual. Yet the Inderiedens’ auto insurance would cover

HOW THESE FAMILIES SHOULD BUDGET

Jane and Mark Winters

Monthly income $4,555 Salaries $5,075 Q Investment income 5 $4,555 Total $5,080

Monthly expenditures Home mortgage $509 Home maintenance/furnishings 0 Utilities/teleonone 185 Child care 417 Food 350 Clothing/personal 130 Transportation/car upkeep =: 130 Medical/pharmaceutical 10 Gifts/donations 20 Entertainment/travel 100 Insurance 296 Auto loans 282 Credit-card payments 1,252 Investments: retirement/future 0 175 Education fund for children 0 50 Savings for emergency fund 185 150 Discretionary “fun” money 20 927 Property and income taxes 1,189 $4,555 Total $5,080

Lori and Joe Inderieden

$995 200 166

50 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1994

a

only $300,000. “An aggressive att would go after their future earni says Finkelstein, “and this could be astating.” He suggests Joe and Lo crease the deductible on their, insurance from $250 to $500 and u: resultant savings to purchase uml coverage of at least $1 million. 7

THE FAMILY’S REACTION House, activities, retirement, colleg surance. ... To Lori and Joe, some it seems as though there are a dozen to spend every dollar. 24 “I know we should be more con about retirement,” says Lori, “bu hard to think about [the future] there are so many other things we: to take care of now.” e Yet, after listening to Finkels recommendations, she and Joe thinking their financial strategie has increased his contributions tf pension plan, they have started aside more money for emergen they are talking to their insurance abeut umbrella coverage. They to make their money earn more. “W alized we’ve always been on the c uve end with our investing, and necessarily good over the long mits Lori. “We need to be a littl conservative and more aggressive.” But Lori and Joe aren’t too conc about Nick’s and Andy’s colle “Joe and I basically paid for our ows lege educations, and I think the boy get more out of their schooling if have to work for it,” Lori explains. And they have no intention of p 15 percent of their net income the future. “We’re not going to says Lori adamantly. Anyway, unues, retirement will work ou “By then we’re not going to hz mortgage, and we’re not going to the expenses for the kids.” . Finkelstein is disappointed surprised. “Lori and Joe are pr cal of couples in their thirties,” “At this age people tend to wo: the present—getting a home, fu it, having fun. It’s not until peo their forties that they usually ste ing about college for the kids a ment. And by then it’s more diffi save enough to make it work. “Financial planning is like w into a store with lots of merchan continues. “Each person selects items she or he wants most. It’s a of priorities.” ad

For more information, call the Inst Certified Financial Planners, PLAN, or the International Ass Financial Planning, 800-945-IAFP

Andrea Gross is a contributing e Ladies’ Home Journal.

VIRUIAL TAMYENEDOIVS OL. ETI

PS ¢: [ i) GB Y/ U

Read to Disco

sae fa— American TS RST IIA, Federation Association for Supervision of Teachers

and Curriculum Development CLASSROOM-TESTED TIPS

How can you excite your child’s curiosity? Johnnie Moultrie, a paraprofessional at Here are eight great ideas for doing just that. Philadelphia’s Anna Lane Lingelbach School. These tips will show you how to use books to ~—— “Make an effort to read signs, billboards and help kids explore the world they know, the other meaningful print that you and your child world they want to know and the world they see everyday,” she says. “Eventually, your don’t even know exists. child will begin seeking out similar signs to read to you!” 1. Interest Catalogue. “Make an inventory of Begin your adventures in sign literacy with your child’s interests,” suggests Susan Tana Hoban’s companion wordless picture Paprocki, a language arts enrichment teacher books, / Read Symbols and I Read Signs (both at the Avoca Schools in Wilmette, Illinois. Greenwillow, 1983). Books like these show

“List letters A-Z on a large poster board. Then __ kids that reading provides information about

f you’ve watched a child’s first have your child print the name of a person, the outside world.

encounter with sand and water, place or thing that begins with each letter.

you know children are eager to Review the list, circle topics that appeal to 3. Label Tours. A great way to remind kids of mm and discover. A good thing, too. —_ your child and get books on those subjects.” their links to worlds beyond their own comes r curiosity—the simple desire to from Ann Lessard, a second-grade teacher at ow and learn—is a key to your 2. Sign Sightings. Delight your child with the Peterborough (New Hampshire)

ild’s success in school and beyond. _ reading discoveries outside the home, says Continued on page A10

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ncouraging your child’s curiosity doesn’t require pricey toys or games. It Enis you. “What works for young people,” says Dr. David Elkind, a fessor of child study at Tufts University in Medford, Mass., “is for parents to be curious ‘mselves.” From what makes soap work to where sink drains lead, your daily routines raise imderful questions you can explore with your child. “Just do the things you normally need | 1 want to do,” says Elkind, the best-selling author of Miseducation (Knopf, 1987) and The | tried Child (Addison-Wesley, 1988), “but do them with your child.”

Tear out and save!

©Meredith Corporation, 1993. All rights reserved. Printed in U.S.A

Al

SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION

A Dear Parent At Chrve} TYSler ( “1 Of ou °'POration We ul People » We knoy that c O

We

C are also coy

lVINce We are too Ced that ¢ C fo “ONtinye toh | Creatry Ity e u

Must

A

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In l€ global ec Ir y Order to become al economy Young people if aVid req 7 C Creative js . ders Who use book Problem-solyer. Our ¢} 5 [0 exp] » OUT Childre Wit} Plore idea en must fe lou pan as ITSt bee, . alter Come for S Crs, the \ Super Merican F these : “ISION and ( ae can Federation Of Te Pages to help you Work nm Devel PmMent “achers and the A ; Ork With » We have “SSOCIatio, We } Your child ec Prepated on , ; 10pe dren €d the Ide; f you want your children to Ciitfogt YOU Will use the ig eas in be _ A Vande ‘das prece develop a lifetime love of reading, € Creativity etesented here t, eh ; COurage get involved early and stay °° YOur children’, involved well after the kids have eon : Ober learned to read. Pt. Eaton

CI

‘airman, ( Chry Sler ( Or

‘hin Net Execuy Poration

Recently that message was given iets . fic Cl

new urgency by the 1993 AFT-

Chrysler Report on Kids, Parents

and Reading. Based ona

nationwide survey, the report

shows that the proportion of

children who dip into a book a few times a week drops by half—from 86 to 42 percent— between the ages of 9 and 17.

“The decline is so striking it can only be older kids get? An increasingly busy social dismaying,” says Dr. Frederick Hartwig of life, for one thing. Asked how they would use Peter D. Hart Research

an extra hour each day, 75 percent of the 9- to 17-year-

olds surveyed said

Associates, which conducted the survey. “The they would spend it written word plays with friends or playing sports. Only

12 percent said they

a vital part ina functioning

society, a would spend the time successful reading books or democracy and a magazines.

The survey also

competitive economy.” found that most young people believe

that a knowledge of

What cuts more deeply into

reading time the math and computers

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To

PAREN,

ul futur Te dena depends On the C Creativit y

be niy- © nurtured ino

will contribute far more than reading to their future s Interestingly, parents and teachers polle the 1992 AFT-Chrysler Report on Kids, Parents and Reading called reading th essential skill.

How can adults convince their chi share their values about reading? A go place to look for answers, Dr. Hartwig, believes, is among the better students kids in the more recent survey who de themselves as active readers. Two-thir them talked about their parents’ infectio enthusiasm for the written word. “The si biggest factor affecting young people reading habits,” Dr. Hartwig conclud the extent of parental involvement in children’s reading.”

What's your family’s

a ee ee ee eS Oe aw

(Curiosity Quotient, of course!)

How stimulating is the environment you’ve created for your child? What you know and how you think could provide some answers. This test will show why. Check each statement True or False.

There’s no connection between eating dinner as a family and a child’s academic success. Q True U False

Once kids become readers, they no longer enjoy being read to. QO True U False

3 To help your child really improve as a reader, you have to make a big time commitment to reading together. QO True False

True literacy consists of more than just knowing how to read and write. QO True U False

It’s best to correct a child’s misspellings as early as possible. True U False

Television has little use as a learning tool for your child. U True Q False

Role-playing develops imagination but ‘™ notskills. Q True Q False

{ For you to advance your child’s under- standing of science, you must have special materials and a command of the subject yourself. OQ True U False

9 It’s more important to teach your child where to find information than to

provide the information yourself. True U False

0 Adults should avoid using big words when talking with young

children. O True UO False

a

ANSWERS

1. False. Children who regularly have dinner

with adults score higher on college entrance tests. One reason: Dinner chat builds a child’s vocabulary.

2. False. Of kids 9 to 17 years old who responded to the 1993 AFT-Chrysler Report on Kids, Parents and Reading, more than one-third said their mothers or fathers still read to them. And fully 80 percent of this group said they liked it!

3. False. Even reading with your child just five minutes a day can enhance your youngster’s fluency and comprehension Experts say that reading together is the single most important way you can develop your child’s reading skills.

4. True. Literacy involves “the ability to process information for a purpose,” says Arnold Packer, main author of The SCANS Report (U.S. Secretary of Labor's Commission on Achieving Necessary Skills). For example, the child who writes a “business plan” for a paper route is using information to achieve a goal. Help your child think about the role of reading and writing in your job and those she performs. 5. False. Marie Clay, author of Writing Begins at Home, explains that invented spelling—writing words the way they sound—can “lead to a control over writing that frees the child to write messages he wants to write.”

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6. False. “Use TV as the resource it really is,” says Dorothy Rich, founder of the Home and School Institute and author of MegaSkills. She recommends shows that relate to family members’ hobbies and interests. Afterward, look for books that expand on program content.

7. False. Dramatic play is an important means of developing oral language. As children pretend to take phone messages, make shopping lists and so on, they learn the functions of reading and writing.

8. False. Good science teaching builds on everyday experiences such as bathtub water play and collecting and sorting rocks. Together, turn to books to seek out answers to your child’s (and your own!) questions.

9. True. Experts agree that kids need to learn to acquire, evaluate and communicate information. Helping your child learn where to find data—in a library, in a museum, from an expert—lets your child develop these key information skills.

10. False. Research shows that children’s language develops by listening to those around them. Using big words and speaking in complete sentences helps expand a child’s language skills.

YOUR FAMILY’S CQ

* 1-5 correct—Novice Level but will rise fast as you practice some lessons learned here.

* 6-8 correct—Well Above Average.

* 9-10 correct—Exceptional!

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a How Children Around the World j a ‘ Feel About Our Environment 22, Site N .

hildren can be passionate Coal Mine Peaches, by Michelle Dionetti Clements (Picture Book Studio, 1992 [P]). about a wide range of (Watts/Orchard, 1991 [P]). Rosie and the Yellow Ribbon, by Paula

topics, from kids in other Everybody Cooks Rice, by Norah Dooley dePaolo (Little, Brown, 1992 [P]).

lands to threatened rain (Carolrhoda,1991 [P]). Somewhere in Africa, by Ingrid Mennen forests. Here’s a sampler of books The Fire Children: A West African and Niki Daly (Dutton, 1992 [P]). that will excite your child about the — Creation Tale, by Eric Maddern This Is My House, by Arthur Dorros diversity of the world around them. — (Dial, 1993 [P]). (Scholastic, 1992 [P]). The list was assembled by Judy How the Ox Star Fell from Heaven, by Yo! Yes? by Chris Raschka Freeman, author of Books Kids Will Lily Toy Hong (Albert Whitman, 1991 [P]). (Orchard, 1993 [P]). x Sit Still For: The Complete Read- Masai and I, by Virginia Kroll The Araboolies of Liberty Street, 4 Aloud Guide (Bowker, 1990). (Four Winds, 1992 [P}). by Sam Swope (Crown, 1989 [P/I]). ;

Mother Earth’s Counting Book, by Andrew Aunt Harriet’s Underground Railroad in the Sky, by Faith Ringgold (Crown, 1992 [P/I]). Communication, by Aliki (Greenwillow, 1993 [P/I]). 7 How My Family Lives in America, by 4 Susan Kuklin (Bradbury Press, 1992 ae Let’s Go Traveling, by Robin Rector Krupp (Morrow, 1992 [P/I]). Mary McLean and the St. Patrick’s Day” Parade, by Steven Kroll (Scholastic, 1991 [P/I]). My Grandmother’s Journey, by John Cec (Bradbury, 1991 [P/I]). Pass It On: African-American _ for r Children, selected by Wade Hudson ’ Make Library Time Discovery Time sss: stem, | Dear World: How Children Around the Does everyone in your family have a library card? If not, you may be missing out on a cost- World Feel About Our Environment, free family expedition—the weekly library visit. Check out books that help kids explore the Lannis Temple, ed. (Random, 1993 (VU). world of libraries and reading. Barbara Elleman, editor of the American Library Association’s The Helping Hands Handbook, 4

Book Links, recommends: by Patricia Adams and Jean Marzollo «How a Book Is Made, by Aliki (HarperCollins, 1986 [I)). (Random, 1992 [i/U]). ¢Walter'’s Magic Wand, by Eric Houghton (Watts/Orchard, 1990 [P/I]). It’s Our World, Too! Stories of Young — ¢Who Stole the Wizard of Oz? by Avi (Knopf, 1981 [I]). People Who Are Making a Difference, — ¢Help! I’m a Prisoner in the Library, by Eth Clifford (Houghton, 1979 [I/U]). by Phillip Hoose (Joy Street, 1993 [U]).

Age Level Key: [P]=Primary, ages 4-7; [I]=Intermediate, ages 7-10; [U]=Upper, ages 10-14 3 Ao =

ord/games can help you squeeze fun and learning out of ordinary

foutines—anyplace, anytime. Try these games today to help your

child develop a love for language and discovery. “Describe and Conquer.” Challenge your children’s descriptive powers and you'll sharpen their attention to detail and expand their vocabulary. When doing laundry, take turns coming up with words to describe an item such as a towel. Obvious terms will pop up first—words such as white, cotton, rectangular, fluffy, soft and

four-cornered. Older children

will move on to more sophisticated labels, such as machine-woven or absorbent. “Categories.” This game, featured in the book Are We There Yet? (Rand McNally, 1993), will help your child think more logically and knowledgeably. Select a category—farm animals, for

example, or book titles or round objects

RR BAW EERE 2 BEY BENS BSL UN VE F

or can’t think of another. “Improvisation. author of Parents and Kids Toget ve help kids order data an envision alternatives. Sin “Old MacDona farmer a “nut farm, farm,” a “bird farm”—even a “hamburger farm!” You can then alter the rest of the song words to fit

“Grandmother’s Trunk.” Here’s one resurrected by Phil Wiswell, author of Kids’ Games (Doubleday, 1987). A classic memory game, it challenges three or more players to list things Grand- mother might take on a trip. After the first player names an item (“I put a radio in Grand- mother’s trunk”), the second player recalls the first item and adds another (“I put a radio and a bar of soap ...”). And so it

goes until someone has a

then take turns naming

items within that category. Continue until one player repeats an item

memory lapse. With older children, pack the trunk for a specific trip—an African safari, an

underwater expedition or a flight to outer space

Kip SMARTS

How can you get children to use their heads? “Ask them to think about what they read,”

suggests Dr. Esther Fusco, principal of the

c

agey Hill School in Port Jefferson, New York. Dr. Fusco, who runs an Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development thinking-

skills network for fellow educators, advises parents to use open-ended questions.

Examples: What’s the main character like? What problem must the main character try to solve? What does the main character do about the problem? How does the story turn

out? How good was this story, compared with others we’ve read?

“Don’t overdo it,” she warns. “Let the questions stimulate dialogue—and fun.”

‘

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Elementary School. “Use labels to spur an

interest in geography,” she says. “Help your child trace a favorite cereal, article of clothing or toy back to its place of origin. Provide an atlas, map and some books that explain more about the relevant geography,

cultures and history.”

4, Parent-Child Read- Alongs. Parents can extend their child’s interests by keeping up with the youngster’s reading. “If you know what your child is reading, you can talk about it,” says Fred Brown, principal at the Boyertown (Pennsylvania) Elementary Schoo! and

president-elect of the National Association of

Elementary School Principals. “You can bring your adult experience to the discussion. This will add a new dimension to your child’s understanding

of the subjects he

is reading about. What you're doing, really, is forging common frames of

SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION

reference for both of you to explore through reading in the future.”

5. Answer Books. Across the country at the Jefferson (Oregon) Elementary School, Larry Buschman also promotes shared reading as a way to bring the outside world into your child’s life. “Read to and with your child long after your child begins reading inde- pendently. And take the time to find books that answer your children’s questions,” urges this second-grade teacher. A current favorite: Eve Bunting’s 32-page gem, Fly Away Home (Clarion, 1991), a powerful story about a homeless boy and his under- employed father.

6. Bridge Builders. Any parent would do well to copy Valerie Williams’ technique for exciting children about brand-new topics. This first-grade teacher at the E.M. Baker Elementary School in Great Neck, New York,

enjoys exploring tough topics like mythology,

which teachers of 6-year- olds usually avoid.

The secret of her success? She builds bridges to new topics with stories. “I don’t say what mythology is or talk about

it,” she explains. “What | do is retell myths in my own words. Afterward, when I introduce picture books and storybooks about myths, the children aren’t afraid of the subject. It’s no longer foreign to them.”

7. Models of Success. Mary Angeli urges parents to set an

“Kids don’t see adults reading enough,” says

example.

this third-grade teacher at the William R. Day School in

STEPPING STONES

to the Unknown

¢ Help children choose books that move them gradually beyond their world. ¢ Dinosaur-fascinated kids might begin with Patricia Whitehead’s The Dinosaur Alphabet Book (Troll, 1985). ¢ Then they can move on to Franklyn M. Branley’s What Happened to Dinosaurs? (HarperCollins, 1991) ¢ Finally, introduce them to the world of archaeology with Aliki’s Digging Up Dinosaurs (HarperCollins, 1981).

Canton, Ohio. “Your children may not q know that reading is a great way to explo the world. You can show them, just by —

books and ma: about their inter on their own!”

to live near a literary setting, as A. H Brown does, you can show your child world outside your front door through writer’s eyes. Brown teaches English at George Washington Middle School in Ridgewood, New Jersey, the setting 0: of Mary Higgins Clark’s best-selling — mysteries. “Books that spotlight a town or state the child is familiar with can get her look at her world in an entirely new light,’ Brown says.

VIDUAL SAMY ENEIOUNG OFX PIU YN

Writing for Change Lan)

0 you encourage your socially aware youngsters to speak their minds through letters? You should, psychologists say. Writing letters to editors and public officials teaches children that their opinions are valuable. Educators promote the practice for its power to sharpen language skills. And Phillip Hoose, author of /t's Our World, Too! Stories of Young People Who Are Making a Difference (Joy Street, 1993), recommends letter writing as a way to help kids clarify their thoughts. “Tt strengthens their ability to organize data,” he says. “And it gets them to state their cases logically and briefly.” Here are Hoose’s guidelines for writing effective letters: (1) Be personal. Say who you are and why you care. (2) Keep your letter neat. (3) Address it to the person who has the power to make the change you want. (4) Be specific. Explain exactly what you want the person to do. (5) Include details that show you understand the views of those who disagree with you. (6) Send copies to other influential people in your community, and list their names on your original letter.

peeeeeeaeeoeaeosoeeoeoeseeeeceeoeseeeceeeeoeeaeeaeee. ee

may have no impact in your child’s narrower world. —_ of news items that are loaded with emotion. “If hate crimes are in the en that world you can give your child a healthy boost. _ news,” she says, “look for children’s books about the Holocaust so e U.S. Department of Education, kids who discuss your child really understands why people get so upset. With

“current events at home tend to be higher achievers at school. something like Somalia, you’d want to let your child know that Africa is far more than starving people at war. Check out a ‘Make news sharing a dinner-table tradition,” says Cathy naa book of African folktales or one about a child

_ Janderhoof, editorial director of Scholastic News, a classroom living in Africa.” -current-events newspaper read by 3.5 million children in grades | hrough 6. “Have every family member share an interesting , ‘ “1ews item each evening. It’s a smart way : ‘ig - she feels. Her favorite is Real News for Kids,

o encourage family = €& ~ which originates on CNN and TBS Saturday »ommunication and mornings but can be found on broadcast channels, too.

| levelop the “It’s nicely done,” Vanderhoof says. “They always approach ‘ewspaper-reading abit.”

TV news shows for children also can be helpful,

stories from an angle that appeals to their audience.”

That’s a trick she feels parents could learn. “Kids aren’t like us,” she explains. “Guilt won’t get them to read things they’re not interested in. But our problems

-fyour local paper has a kid’s

age, Vanderhoof suggests that ‘ou read it with your child. She Iso advises tracking down library ~oks to help your child make sense

will be theirs in the future, so we’ve got to find ways to help them think about those issues today.”

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Pillow talk

WHAT LOVING COUPLES SAY IN BED

Do you whisper sweet nothings in his ear? Tell him how sexy he is? What you say during lovemaking speaks volumes about your marriage.

hen Frank

tells me in the

middle of

that he loves me,

that I’m the most beautiful the world and he can’t live with- out me, I melt,” says thirty-

SCX

woman in

four-year-old Priscilla, a department-store buyer in the Midwest who’s been married for ten years. “Those words bring me clos- est to my peak of pleasure and ready to do anything to him to return the favor.”

Since Cyrano de Bergerac (the gallant theatrical hero of the nineteenth century) wooed his beloved Roxanne with eloquent recitals of her beauty, putting passion into words has spelled sexual se- duction. In proved that couples who talk in bed have happier marriages.

has

fact, research

Of course, there’s no limit to what husbands and wives say dur- ing lovemaking, but most pillow talk falls into one of three cate- gories: loving talk, erotic talk and telling each other what you want. Though women are generally more expressive about emotions and feel- ings than men—and thus better at

52 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL

By Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D.

love talk—traditionally, they’ve also been more inhibited when it comes to talking sexy. But times— and attitudes—have changed. Re- cent surveys show that men are increasingly interested in romance and that more women are enjoying telling their partner what they want in bed. Not only that, many men now say they welcome women taking the initiative and saying what turns them on.

JANUARY 1994

WHAT'S YOUR LINE? While communication be- tween the sexes is becoming more open, husbands and wives have their own ideas of what they like—and don’t like—to hear in bed. Re- search shows that what turns us on depends on which of the senses we most prefer: tactile (touching), vi- sual (looking), olfactory (smelling) or auditory (hearing). Ask each other which sense 1s most arous- ing, and let the answers guide you in bed: If your husband gets turned on vi- sually, for instance, describe erotic scenes; if he enjoys auditory stimulation, recite sexy comments or stories in his ear; if he’s tactile, touch him and describe how it feels.

Personality also plays a key role. Based on my collaborative work with the Ned Herrmann Group, a research and training organization” in Lake Lure, North Carolina, that has done extensive research on brain style, there are four distinctive | personality types. Creative love talk- | ers have an active imagination and enjoy unique and vividly described fantasies. If (continued on page 56)

: hs

Me,

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octor if osteop

Oros. lay

a

‘he symptoms of menopause are very real: hot lashes, vaginal dryness and night sweats which may ause sleep disturbances.

For millions of women, these symptoms are effec- vely treated with estrogen replacement therapy.

And, the same treatment that relieves the ymptoms of menopause can also help prevent steoporosis (brittle bones), a disease that develops about one of every four women over 50.

HE CONNECTION BETWEEN 1ENOPAUSE AND OSTEOPOROSIS.

After menopause, your body produces very little trogen. Without estrogen, your bones can become agile, more likely to break.

In fact, half of the bone mass women lose is lost the first seven years after menopause begins. hat’s more, bone loss is irreversible. But even if me bone loss has occurred, estrogen can help pre- nt further loss. So it’s important to ask your doctor

you're at risk of developing brittle bones.

OW WOULD YOU ANSWER THESE APORTANT QUESTIONS?

Of course, some women are at greater risk for -teoporosis than others. This brief test will help termine your personal risk factor.

The more times you answer “yes,” the greater ‘ur risk of developing osteoporosis.

RISK FACTOR TEST !

UESTION YES 2NO ; . Do you have a small, thin frame I or are you Caucasian or Asian? e bel ;

. Do you have a family history of : osteoporosis? C CO 1

. Are you a postmenopausal woman? fe Ey ; _. Have you had a hysterectomy? CO cy : _. Have you been taking thyroid medication or cortisone-like drugs ! for asthma, arthritis, or cancer? le C '

. ls your diet low in dairy products and other sources of ¢ -aleium? C Cj \ physically inactive? O O have you ever :

(i L 1

1

K YOUR DOCTOR IF ESTROGEN =RAPY IS RIGHT FOR YOU.

can be an effective way to help sis. The estrogen doctors prescribe Premarin has been shown to

I... 80 ask your doctor if it’s right for you.

THE SIDE EFFECTS OF ESTR SHOULD BE CONSIDERED.

As with all drugs, a. can be side effect estrogen. One is the possibility of developing can

of the uterus. Be sure to discuss this with your doctor. If you’ve had a hysterectomy, you don’t have this risk.

When you ask your doctor whether you're at risk for osteoporosis, it’s also important to inform him or her about all issues relating to your personal health and family health history. This history should include instances of cancer of the breast or uterus, unusual vaginal bleeding, abnormal blood clotting, or heart disease.

While women entering menopause are not likely to become pregnant, estrogens should not be used during pregnancy because of possible risk to

the fetus.

SYMPTOMS OF MENOPAUSE WILL PASS. THE RISK OF OSTEOPOROSIS WON'T.

If you’re one of the women at risk for osteoporo- sis, you need to find out about it. Your doctor may recommend estrogen replacement therapy. Premarin” is the most widely studied estrogen and the one doc- tors prescribe most. In fact, more than 7 million women in the U.S. alone rely on Premarin for the treatment of symptoms of menopause or as part of a

program to help prevent osteoporosis.

ad

PREMARIN

(conjugated estrogens tablets, USP}

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on the following page.

Pillow talk

continued from page S2

this description fits your partner, turn him on with tales of what you plan to do to him in bed, or play-act figures from his- tory or novels. Romantic love talkers enjoy intimacy and self-expression. They'll re- spond warmly to sharing feelings and dreams, being asked “Tell me how you feel” or told “I care about you deeply.” On the other hand, the conservative talker is uncomfortable talking about feelings. In- stead, get him in the mood by being prac- tical, yet passionate—whisper to him that the phone is unplugged, the kids are in bed, and that nothing can disturb the two of you. Intellectual talkers value an analyt- ic and logical approach to life and love, and can be stimulated by lively debates about sex or by taking control in bed.

Don’t worry if you’re a romantic and he’s a conservative—any combination of pillow-talk styles can mesh, as long as you both learn to satisfy your different desires.

TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

Sometimes, even the simplest words can spark passion. In an informal survey of callers to my radio show, nine out of ten men and women said the most pleasur- able pillow talk is hearing their own name. Says thirty-six-year-old Mary, “When my husband says my name aloud during sex, I know he’s really thinking of me and that I really matter.”

In an advanced version of the name game, many couples have special monikers for their private parts. Both male and female callers to a TV show I did on this subject reported that refer- ring to their own and their partner’s sex-

ual body parts added both th derness to their lovemaking. ‘

Flattery is a close second as a aphrodisiac. Since so many of us men and women—are insecure ab¢ bodies, it’s always a turn-on if y mire his physical characteris: praise a special trait—“You’re so “You make love in so many int ways,” or “How strong you are!”

Compliments will make your 1 sizzle by boosting confidence and fears. They’re essential for men w often insecure about their perfor like forty-five-year-old John, a di electrical engineer. “I have to | she likes me,” John admits. “The worry that she will measure me good I am in bed.” A woman can é her husband overcome real sexu

lems, such as impotence, which, ace

BRIEF SUMMARY OF PRESCRIBING INFORMATION FOR THE PATIENT

PREMARIN’ Brand of conjugated estrogens tablets, USP This Summary describes when and how to use estrogens and the risks of estrogen treatment

ESTROGEN DRUGS

Estrogens have several important uses but also some risks. You must decide, with your doctor, whether the risks of estrogens are acceptable in view of their benefits. If you decide to start taking estrogens, check with your doctor to make sure you are using the lowest possible effective dose. The length of treatment with estrogens will depend upon the reason for use. This should also be discussed with your doctor

USES OF ESTROGEN

To reduce menopausal symptoms. Estrogens are hormones produced by the ovaries. The decrease in the amount of estrogen that occurs in all women, usually between ages 45 and 55, calises the menopause. Sometimes the ovaries are removed by an operation, causing “surgical menopause.” When the amount of estrogen begins to decrease, some women develop very uncomfortable symptoms, such as feelings of warmth in the face, neck, and chest or sudden intense episodes of heat and sweating ("hot flashes’). The use of drugs containing estrogens can help the body adjust to lower estrogen levels

Most women have none or only mild menopausal symptoms and do not need estrogens. Other women may need estrogens for a few months while their bodies adjust to lower estrogen levels. The majority of women do not need estrogen replacement for longer than six months for these symptoms

To prevent brittle bones. After age 40, and especially after menopause, some women develop osteo- porosis. This is a thinning of the bones that makes them weaker and more likely to break, often leading to fractures of vertebrae, hip, and wrist bones. Taking estrogens after the menopause slows down bone loss and may prevent bones from breaking. Eating foods that are high in calcium (such as milk products) or tak- ing calcium supplements (1,000 to 1,500 milligrams per day) and certain types of exercise may also help prevent osteoporosis

Since estrogen use is associated with some risk, its use in the prevention of osteoporosis should be con- fined to women who appear to be susceptible to this condition. The following characteristics are often pre- sent in women who are likely to develop osteoporosis: white race, thinness, and cigarette smoking.

Women who had their menopause by the surgical removal of their ovaries at a relatively young age are good candidates for estrogen replacement therapy to prevent osteoporosis

To treat certain types of abnormal uterine bleeding due to hormonal imbalance.

To treat atrophic vaginitis (itching, burning, dryness in or around the vagina)

To treat certain cancers.

WHEN ESTROGENS SHOULD NOT BE USED Estrogens should not be used

During pregnancy. Although the possibility is fairly small, there is a greater risk of having a child born with a birth defect if you take estrogens during pregnancy. A male child may have an increased risk of develop- ing abnormalities of the urinary system and sex organs. A female child may have an increased risk of devel- oping cancer of the vagina or cervix in her teens or twenties. Estrogen is not effective in preventing miscar- riage (abortion)

If you are breast feeding. Many drugs are excreted in human milk and can be passed on to your baby Therefore, estrogen therapy should be used only when your doctor decides it is clearly necessary

If you have had any heart or circulation problems. Estrogen therapy should be used only after consulta- tion with your physician and only in recommended doses. Patients with a tendency for abnormal blood clot- ting should avoid estrogen use. This includes patients who currently have clots in the leg (thrombophlebitis), or any other part of the body (thromboembolic disorder). (See below.)

If you have had undiagnosed vaginal bleeding. \f you have ever had abnormal bleeding from the vagina estrogens should not be used unless you have talked to your physician about this problem

If you have had cancer. Since estrogens increase the risk of certain cancers, you should not take estro- gens if you have ever had cancer of the breast or uterus. In certain situations, your doctor may choose to use estrogen in the treatment of breast cancer.

When they are ineffective. Sometimes women experience nervous symptoms or depression during menopause. There is no evidence that estrogens are effective for such symptoms. You may have heard that taking estrogens for long periods (years) after menopause will keep your skin soft and supple and keep you feeling young. There is no evidence that this is so and such long-term treatment may carry serious risks

DANGERS OF ESTROGENS

Cancer of the uterus. The risk of cancer of the uterus increases the longer estrogens are used and when larger doses are taken, One study showed that when estrogens are discontinued, this increased risk of can- cer seems to fall off quickly. In another study, the persistence of risk was demonstrated for 10 years after stopping estrogen treatment. Because of this risk, it is important to take the lowest effective dose of estro- gen and to take it only as long as you need it. There is a higher risk of cancer of the uterus if you are over- weight, diabetic, or have high blood pressure

If you have had your uterus removed (total hysterectomy), there is no danger of developing cancer of the uterus. If you have your uterus, please refer to the section titled “OTHER INFORMATION.”

Cancer of the breast. The majority of studies have shown no association with the usual doses used for estrogen replacement therapy and breast cancer. Some studies have suggested a possible increased inci dence of breast cancer in those women taking estrogens for prolonged periods of time and especially if higher doses are used

World Leadership in

WAPR-0276 Women’s Health sm

G KSoRATORIES. ¢ nbonatonies

Regular breast examinations by a health professional and self-examination are recommended receiving estrogen therapy, as they are for all women Gallbladder disease. Women who use estrogens after menopause are more likely to develop g disease needing surgery than women who do not use estrogens. Abnormal blood clotting. Taking estrogens may increase the risk of blood clots. These clots’ a stroke, heart attack or pulmonary embolus..any of which may be fatal. Heart disease. Large doses of estrogen “) men have been shown to increase the risk of ce diseases. This may not necessarily be truein women. In order to avoid the theoretical risk of hig the dose of estrogen you take should not exceed the dose recommended by your doctor. Excess calcium in the blood. Taking estrogens may lead to severe hypercalcemia in women with and/or bone cancer Z SIDE EFFECTS i In addition to the risks listed above, the following side effects have been reported with estrogen use: ¢ Nausea, vomiting; pain, cramps, swelling, or tenderness in the abdomen. Yellowing of the skin and/or whites of the eyes 2 Breast tenderness or enlargement Enlargement of benign tumors of the uterus Breakthrough bleeding or spotting Change in amount of cervical secretion Vaginal yeast infections Retention of excess fluid. This may make some conditions worsen, such as asthma, epilepsy, m heart disease, or kidney disease A spotty darkening of the skin, particularly on the face; reddening of the skin; skin rashes. Worsening of porphyria , Headache, migraines, dizziness, faintness, or changes in vision (including intolerance to contac! Mental depression Involuntary muscle spasms. Hair loss or abnormal hairiness Increase or decrease in weight Changes in sex drive. * Possible changes in blood sugar

REDUCING RISK‘OF ESTROGEN USE \f you decide to take estrogens, you can reduce your risks by carefully monitoring your treatment. See your doctor regularly. While you are taking estrogens, it is important that you visit your least once a year for a physical examination. Special attention should be given to blood pi ] abdomen, and pelvic organs. A Pap smear should be taken and tested at this visit. If members ¢

ily have had breast cancer or if you have ever had breast nodules or an abnormal mammogral ray), you may need to have more frequent breast examinations. Also be sure to let your doctor kn have ever had liver or kidney disease, as this may affect the decision to use estrogen. Reevaluate your need for estrogens. You and your doctor should reevaluate your need for least every six months Be alert for signs of trouble. Report these or any other unusual side effects to your doctor im ¢ Abnormal bleeding from the vagina * Pains in the calves or chest, a sudden shortness of breath or coughing blood (indicating p the legs, heart, or lungs) * Severe headache, dizziness, faintness, or changes in vision, indicating possible clots in the | ¢ Breast lumps ; * Yellowing of the skin and/or whites of the eyes * Pain, swelling, or tenderness in the abdomen OTHER INFORMATION Some physicians may choose to prescribe another hormonal drug to be used in association treatment for women with a uterus. These drugs, progestins, have been reported to lower the occurrence of a possible precancerous condition of the uterine lining. Whether this will p from uterine cancer has not been clearly established. There are possible additional risks that ated with the inclusion of a progestin in estrogen treatment. The possible risks include unt blood fats and sugars. The choice of progestin and its dosage may be important in minimizing Your doctor has prescribed this drug for you and you alone. Do not give the drug to anyo If you will be taking calcium supplements as part of the treatment to help prevent oste with your doctor about the amounts recommended 7 Keep this and all drugs out of the reach of children. In case of overdose, call your doct poison control center immediately This Summary provides the most important information about estrogens. If you want to r your doctor or pharmacist to let you read the professional labeling.

This Brief Summary for Direct-to-Consumer Advertising is based on the current Premarin T 4143-2, Issued June 29, 1993 with the incorporation, in lay language, of pertinent text from the C14119-3, Issued June 21, 1993

© 1993, Wyeth-Ayerst Laboratories

Philadelphia, PA 19101

he American Association of Sex Edu- s, Counselors and Therapists, affects _ons of men in the U.S. In such a case, man should let her partner know that -esn’t matter: “I don’t care if you have ection; I’m enjoying being with you.” iking the pressure off his need to per- ', he can enjoy himself—and also con- ‘ate on pleasing you.

-attery, coupled with reassurance, -s equally well to boost a flagging ego solidify trust in a relationship. Take vase of Lisa, thirty-two, who was a >] when she met her fashion-photog- |er husband, Thomas, but gave up areer to have children. Now feeling -f shape and jealous of the stunning -g models Thomas is around daily, , is in even more need of compli- 1s. “Since my first baby, I gained at and hate my body,” she says, “so I to be told constantly how beautiful ) and how much he wants me.”

| NG HIM WHAT TURNS YOU ON '. from compliments, it’s also impor-

o tell your husband what you'd like

to do. Communicating your needs ons the bond between you.

.e of the basic exercises in marital- |} hment programs is talking about » you feel and what you want during -iaking. You and your husband can | is same exercise by asking each oth-

er open-ended questions (“What gives you the most pleasure when we make love?”), specific questions (“Do you like this position?”) and either/or questions (“Do you like my touch to be gentile o1 firm?”). Also, tell each other what you don’t like, but do it in a supportive and nonthreatening way: “I prefer when you kiss me softly rather than being rough.”

A homework assignment I often give couples is to share sexual secrets in bed. In one exercise, you recount for each oth- er, and relive in detail, the most exciting ume you’ve ever had together. In anoth er, you write down explicit accounts of what you'd like to do, then read each oth- er’s script in bed.

Reciting sexual fantasies is also a sure- fire way to get you in the mood—and help you learn new things about each other. Contrary to some couples’ fears, telling each other such intimate thoughts does not ruin the fantasy or your rela- tionship—as long as your partner 1s ac- cepung and nonjudgmental.

EROTIC TALK

Talking dirty was once considered de- viant—certainly something that nice girls didn’t do. But with increased sexual liberalism, sex talk is increasingly popu- lar. Recent surveys prove that even good girls now enjoy naughty talk. According to The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior

7 per- ; : ’ nd

Erotic tall sometime | in ¢€ search has sh that ner the misleading mess: to go further in a sexual act ly do, and that it can lead to un Imagine, for example, crying out “Do it now!” before precautions are taken.

While men are often the ones to initi- ate erotic talk, women find it arousing, too. Some wives are shocked or appalled when their partner first uses a crude term, but grow more accepting when they un- derstand what he’s really trying to say. Marcia, a thirty-eight-year-old account executive, complained that during sex one night, her husband had called her a slut. “Could it be,” I asked her, “that he meant that you are wild and wanton and turn him on? And that if you were really secure [about yourself], you wouldn’t be hurt and could even find it exciting?” Af- ter realizing how the word triggered neg- ative images from her teenage days, Marcia conceded that the “name-calling” had led her to a wilder orgasm than she had ever experienced.

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Pillow talk

continued

however, between talk that’s meant to be playful and sexy, and verbal humiliation meant to degrade and destroy a person’s self-image. That kind of talk is both un- healthy and unacceptable in a loving re- lationship. Nor does one partner always have to go along with the other’s desires. For instance, if Marcia had found her husband’s dirty talk a turnoff, he would have had to accept that.

EXPRESS YOURSELF

Oftentimes we all need permission and encouragement to be more vocal in bed. Here’s how to get past your inhibitions: @ Explore your body’s sensations. Many women today still don’t know enough about their anatomy. However, some re- search indicates that the more you know and love yourself, the better able you are to share with a partner.

@ If you feel uneasy practicing pillow talk, the best place to start is with your feelings. Tell your husband, “Id like to say how I enjoy being with you,” and share with him your concerns: “I was taught it isn’t proper to speak about sex.” Then, during lovemaking, start with sim- ple phrases, such as “That feels good.”

@ Write down all the things you'd like to say to your husband. Then, practice say-

ing them aloud to desensitize yourself to the fear of doing it with him present. Ask him to make the same list, and exchange them in an intimate moment.

@ Experiment with using different words and phrases depending on your mood and the situation. Clinical terms or dirty talk may be loving and exciting at some times and crude and cold at others.

@ Ask your husband for specific instruc- tions. He may say, “It all feels good.” That’s nice, but ask, “Tell me exactly: Do you like this faster or slower?”

@ Always let him know when you enjoy what he says or does.

@ If you want to try some erotic talk in bed, but feel hesitant about doing so, ex- amine your objections. Are your feelings based on a conservative upbringing or your religious beliefs? You may want to read sexy books or watch sexy videos to give yourself permission. Practice utter- ing phrases, first under your breath, then aloud in private. Next, picture yourself saying them to your partner. Imagine him smiling in approval.

If your mind says, “That’s bad,” imag- ine who would disapprove. In an imagi- nary conversation with that person, say, “You may disapprove of this for you, but I don’t consider myself bad for it.”

WHAT NOT TO SAY IN BED

In passionate moments be careful not to

58 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL — JANUARY 1994

sabotage your intimacy by: ia @ Criticizing his or your own p mance by saying something like, ' touch me like that” or “’m no g this.” Replace negative thoughts v couraging ones. @ Saying “no” to sex the wrong While every healthy relationsh: room for sexual refusals, you sho ways explain why you’re not intere| that moment, reassure your partnd offer a time when you will feel | mood: “I would love to make lov you now, but I really had a hard di would like to cuddle and go to sle be fresher tomorrow morning for y¢ @ Boasting about past experien partners. Unless both of you are pletely secure about yourselves an¢ relationship, talk of others can competitiveness, distrust and jealov @ Starting a fight. Some couples u guments to fuel their passion. Acc¢ to The Janus Report on Sexual Behav percent of the men and 23 percent) women agreed that making love best way to make up after an arg However, people who need to get n get turned on usually have a fear o macy—arguing calms the anxiety | ing too close to the other person. I] pillow talk is often angry or coml professional help is necessary. | @ Telling him about your other tro Keep your lovemaking loving by s problems for another time and ] That was the problem for Kate anc ald. When Donald’s carpeting bus failed, Kate had to take some shifts at her nursing job. Bedtime their only private time together, a began to talk about money tr which sabotaged their previously mate and loving encounters. Whet sisted that they set aside a se “problem-solving hour” and a “p) sharing hour,” they were able to 1 tain the loving support that would them through the troubled times. _

In the end, whether romantic or ic, pillow talk will translate i stronger love bond that extends fi yond the bedroom for every couple.

Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., 1s a sex he clinical psychologist and host of the New York radio talk show “Love Phon

For more informa

For referrals to a marriage | selor, contact the American ciation for Marriage and Therapy. Write: Referrals, A 1100 Seventeenth Street, N 10th floor, Washington, 20036-4601; 800-374-26

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_ MEDINEWS

The very latest in health today

rinary tract ailments are not something most people are eager to talk about. But doctors estimate that around twenty million American women are affected by them.

Yet there is hope: A number of new treatments and medications have been introduced recently, and more are in the works. Here’s the latest:

URINARY TRACT

INFECTIONS In most women, cystitis—the most common urinary tract infectlon—can be treated effectively with conventional antibiotics. But there are new opuons for women who suffer from chronic cases: Lomefloxin. This antibiotic

was introduced in 1992 to treat women who have recurrent cysutis. In addition to being stronger than other medications, it is the only one-tablet, once-a-day treatment.

After-sex pill. Doctors have found that a single precoital or postcoital dose of an antibiotic can prevent cystius. from occurring in women prone to the infection.

A vaccine. Researchers at the

By Lauren David Peden

University of Wisconsin, in Madison, are testing a vaccine that will prevent recurrent infections by stimulating the production of antibodies that prevent bacterial growth.

INTERSTITIAL CYSTITIS Unlike “regular” cystitis, this 1s not a bacterial infection. Rather, it 1s a chronic inflammation of the bladder wall that results in frequent urination, and severe pain and pressure in the pelvic area.

The cause of this malady remains a mystery, but researchers are working to learn more. Last year, Congress earmarked $4 million to study the ailment.

In the meantime, several new treatments are on the horizon: Elmiron. An antibiotic that coats the damaged bladder wall with a protective lining. Although it hasn’t yet been approved by the federal Food and Drug Administration (FDA), it is available on a “compassionate use” basis. That means the doctor prescribing it needs to have the FDA’s permission and must follow strict guidelines. Nalmefene. An antihistamine that blocks the release of irritating substances from cells in the bladder wall. This treatment is currently moving toward the FDA approval process.

Nifedipine. An anti-inflammatory drug that increases blood flow to the inflamed area. Currently used for other ailments, many doctors

62 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1994

NEW HOPE

FOR AN OLD PROBLEM

have reported success in using it for interstitial cysuus.

INCONTINENCE According to the National Institutes of Health, as many as ten million Americans suffer from urinary incontinence, the inability to control urine. Eighty-five percent of them are women.

In many cases, incontinence can — be lessened or even cured with simple exercises (called Kegel exercises) that strengthen the muscles around the bladder. However, there are other options for incontinence sufferers: Vaginal cones. Small weights inserted into the vagina help women locate and contract the muscles that need strengthening. Stimulators. Battery-powered devices that help stimulate and exercise the vaginal muscles. Periurethral injections. The FDA recently approved the Contigen Bard implant, an injection of collagen, an animal protein, into — tissue surrounding the urethra, adding bulk and increasing resistance to leakage.

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FAMILY WINTER HEALTH GUIDE

PERSONAL HEALTH-CARE REFORM

This year, resolve to make healthy living a top priority for the whole family. Here’s the latest word about three lifesaving vitamins; top doctors’ answers to crucial questions about kids’ health; and advice from a nuiritionist on how to shed holiday pounds—fast.

THE THREE VITAMINS everyone should take

Vitamin E, vitamin C and beta-carotene. They’re called antioxidants, and the evidence is mounting that taking them might save your life

JANUARY

f you've been watching the news or reading the papers lately, you've undoubtedly noticed the many health re- ports touting the benefits of vitamins. And, as you've walked down the aisles of your

pharmacy or grocery store, you've orobably been struck by the sheer volume of pills from which to choose. You may be wondering: Which ones should | take2

Most health professionals concur that women can benefit from get- ting extra calcium, which builds bones and guards against osteo- porosis. But now, a consensus is building that many women—and men—can benefit from three other pills as well: vitamin E, vitamin C and beta-carotene.

“The evidence is becoming so impressive that it’s prudent for people to take these supplements

64 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1994

because the potential benefit is} so great,” says nutritionist David) Schardt, M.S., spokesman for the Center for Science in the Public Interest, a nonprofit consumer advocacy organization in Wash ington, D.C.

Not everyone agrees. The Nation al Academy of Sciences (NAS), which helped formulate the federal] government's recommended dietary} allowances (RDA) (continued

When their own ‘kids; most pediatricians practice wi

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Whoever invented the conventional thermometer must not have had a sick cranky kid at home at the time.

it's hard enough to get a squirming kid to sit still for several minutes. Much less with a thermometer in the mouth, under the arm, or in the worst-of-all-

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INSTANT THERMOMETER

WHERE THE THERMOMETE: NEEDS TO GO

(continued) — for vitamins, says that it is possible to get sufficient amounts of these nutrients through food. Consequently, the NAS doesn’t advise heavy use of vitamin pills. “At this time, it’s premature,” says Paul Thomas, Ed.D., R.D., a project director for the NAS Food and Nutrition Board. For one thing, though no serious risks have been associated with higher-than-the-RDA doses, the long-term research is still ongoing. “There’s still a lot we don’t know,” Thomas says.

But there is mounting evidence of the potentially lifesaving benefits of these three vitamins:

VITAMIN E When Meir J. Stampfer, M.D., and his colleagues at Harvard Medical School and Brigham and Wom- en’s Hospital, in Boston, analyzed the vitamin-E intake of more than 87,000 nurses in the ongoing Nurses’ Health Study, they found that women who took daily sup- plements of at least 100 interna-

tional units (Us) of vitamin E for two years or more had about 43 percent fewer heart attacks than those who didn’t take the vitamin. (Participants who took a multivita- min, which typically contains 30 IUs of vitamin E, did not realize the same benefit.)

Similar results occurred in the companion Health Professionals’ Follow-up Study. That study of 51,529 men found that the group taking vitamin-E supplements daily for two years or more had an al- most 40 percent lower risk of heart disease.

Vitamin E’s seemingly miraculous power comes from its activity as an antioxidant. Oxidation is a natural process that causes metal to rust, butter to go rancid and, in hu- mans, cells to age or be damaged. In the body, oxidation produces free radicals, renegade cells whose molecular structure is incomplete. The free radicals then try to scav- enge the missing parts from other body molecules. The resulting

66 LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL - JANUARY 1994

damage can lead to a number of serious illnesses. Antioxidants can block the process. 4 This seems to benefit more than just the heart. Over the past- decade, studies have found that people who take vitamin-E supple- ments have a slightly lower risk Of | cancer of the colon, rectum, esoph=— agus and lungs. And the newest findings cite E’s positive impact on: — M@ The immune system. A 1991 study of 200 men and women by scientists at the Department of Agri- culture’s Human Nutrition Research | Center on Aging at Tufts University, in Boston, suggested that supple- ments of vitamin E strengthen T cells, which fight invading germs. H Oro! cancer. In a study of 2,365 people, researchers at the National Cancer Institute, in Bethesda, Mary- land, found half the risk of oral can- cer in people who took 100 IUs of 9 vitamin E daily for at least six months. —— M@ Muscle pain. Mohsen Meyda Ph.D., an immunologist at Tutts

Human Nutrition Center, found that the twenty-one men who took vita- min-E supplements were less likely ‘o experience muscle inflammation ‘han those who didn’t. The scientists speculate that the extra vitamin E re- duces the release of oxygen radi- cals, which may be responsible for causing muscle inflammation.

VITAMIN ¢

n the 1970s, when Nobel-laureate chemist Linus Pauling began touting he benefits of vitamin C for every- hing from cancer to the common old, the notion was greeted with skepticism by mainstream scientists. ut, increasingly, researchers are yeginning to think Pauling may have deen right.

In recent years, studies have ound that vitamin C—also an anti- »yxidant—has many of the same denefits of vitamin E, plus a few »others of its own. In a recent survey of medical literature, epidemiologist “Sladys Block, Ph.D., of the Univer-

iity of California at Berkeley School

. 7

of Public Health, found that thirty- three of forty-six studies suggested that taking high levels of vitamin C seemed to protect people against various types of cancer, including lung, stomach, esophagus, throat, pancreas and mouth cancer. Ex- perts believe that the vitamin may prevent the formation of carcino- gens and enhance the immune sys- tem’s response.

Like E, vitamin C is also thought to help fight heart disease. A study at the University of California in Los Angeles found that women taking about 300 milligrams of vi- tamin C daily were 25 percent less likely to die of cardiovascular dis- ease than those who weren't tak- ing a supplement. Men in the study had a 45 percent lower death rate.

Other studies have suggested that vitamin C—as well as vitamin E—may reduce the risk of cataracts. And, although it has never been proved to effectively prevent colds, at least one study

eet

oe

says that the vitamin can lessen severity of the symptoms.

BETA-CAROTENE When you were a child, did your mom always tell you to eat your carrotse Well, it looks as if Mom may really have been onto some- thing. There’s evidence to suggest that beta-carotene—a key ingredi- ent in carrots as well as other yel- orange and vegetables—is an important nutri-

low, dark-green ent for maintaining health and pre- venting disease.

The third antioxidant, beta- carotene, has also been associated with a lower risk of stroke and heart disease. The most impressive evi- dence comes from the Physicians’ Health Study at Harvard University. More than 300 men entered the study with signs of heart disease. After five years, the ones who were taking a supplement of 50 mil- ligrams of beta-carotene every oth- er day had only half as many heart attacks, strokes and (continued)

67

|

ree

you ever been away for the weekend and @& realized you forgot your birth control pills? =

Many women wish they didn’t have to remember their birth control every day. If you're one of them, you might want to know about Depo-Provera.

Some of the benefits of Depo-Provera. Depo-Provera is an injection you get from your doctor or nurse, every three months. When taken as scheduled - just 4 times a year - it’s more than 99% effective.

So it’s one of the most reliable contraceptives available. Depo-Provera has been used for many years by millions of women in countries like England, France and Sweden. And Depo-Provera is reversible. Once you stop using it, you can usually become pregnant within one year. Depo-Provera from Upjohn is a prescription product that costs about the same per year as birth control pills.

But before you consider any birth control method, you should discuss the risks and benefits with your doctor or other healthcare provider.

Some of the side effects of Depo-Provera.

Most women experience irregular or unpredictable menstrual bleeding and weight gain. With continued use, many women stop having monthly periods, but your doctor can explain why this happens and that it is not a medical problem. Use of Depo-Provera , may be associated with a decrease in the amount of mineral stored in your bones, which may be considered among the risk factors for development of osteoporosis.

Depo-Provera is not right for every woman. CRs Women with a family or personal history of breast cancer, blood clots, liver disease, or those who think they might be pregnant, should not use Depo-Provera. Remember, Depo-Provera does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases. But it does provide highly reliable birth control you only have to think about 4 times a year. If you have any questions or concerns, talk to your doctor or other healthcare provider.

If you'd like more information about your birth control options, including Depo-Provera, call 1-800-861-8618.

Birth control you think about just 4 times a year.

Depo-Provera®

Contraceptive Injection sterile medroxyprogesterone acetate suspension

Please read the accompanying patient information and discuss it with your physician.

41902 The lL Ininhn Comnanyv

Depo-Proveray Contraceptive Injection

(sterile medroxyprogesterone acetate suspension, USP)

WHAT IS DEPO-PROVERA CONTRACEPTIVE INJECTION?

DEPO-PROVERA Contraceptive Injection is a form of birth contro! that is given as an intra- muscular injection (a shot) in the buttock or upper arm once every 3 months. To continue your contraceptive protection, you must return for your next injection promptly at the end of 3 months. DEPO-PROVERA contains medroxyprogesterone acetate, a chemical similar to (but not the same as) the natural hormone progesterone, which is produced by your ovaries during the second half of your menstrual cycle. DEPO-PROVERA acts by preventing your egg Cells from ripening. If an egg is not released from the ovaries during your menstrual cycle, it cannot become fertilized by sperm and result in pregnancy. DEPO-PROVERA also causes changes in the lining of your uterus that make it less likely for pregnancy to occur

HOW EFFECTIVE IS DEPO-PROVERA CONTRACEPTIVE INJECTION?

DEPO-PROVERA is over 99% effective, making it one of the most reliable methods of birth contro! available. This means that the average annual pregnancy rate is less than one for every 100 women who use DEPO-PROVERA. The effectiveness of most contraceptive methods depends in part on how reliably each woman uses the method. The effectiveness of DEPO-PROVERA depends only on the patient returning every 3 months for her next injection. Your health-care provider will help you compare DEPO-PROVERA with other con- traceptive methods and give you the information you need in order to decide which contra- ceptive method is the right choice for you

The following table shows the percent of women who got pregnant while using different kinds of contraceptive methods. It gives both the lowest expected rate of pregancy (the rate expected in women who use each method exactly as it should be used) and the typical rate of pregnancy (which includes women who became pregnant because they forgot to use their birth control or because they did not follow the directions exactly).

PERCENT OF WOMEN EXPERIENCING AN ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY IN THE FIRST YEAR OF CONTINUOUS USE

Lowest . Method Expected Typical DEPO-PROVERA 0.3 0.3 0.3 0.4

Implants (Norplant )

Female sterilization

Male sterilization

oo ae

Combined 0.1 Progestogen only 0.5

1UD = Progestasert 2.0 Copper T 380A 0.8

Condom (without spermicide) Diaphragm (with spermicide) Cervical Cap Withdrawal

Periodic abstinence

Spermicide alone

Vaginal Sponge Used before childbirth Used after childbirth

No method

85

Source: Trussell et al; Obstet Gyncol 76:558. 1990

WHO SHOULD NOT USE DEPO-PROVERA CONTRACEPTIVE INJECTION?

Not all women should use DEPO-PROVERA. You should not use DEPO-PROVERA if you think you might be pregnant, have any vaginal bleeding without a known reason, have had cancer of the breast, have had a stroke, have or have had blood clots (phlebitis) in your legs, have problems with your liver or liver disease, or are allergic to DEPO- PROVERA (medroxyprogesterone acetate or any of its other ingredients). You will have a physical examination before your doctor prescribes DEPO-PROVERA. It is important to tell your doctor if you are taking any prescription or over-the-counter medications or if you have a family history of breast cancer; an abnormal mammogram (breast x-ray), fibrocystic breast disease, breast nodules or lumps, or bleeding from your nipples; kidney disease; irregular or scanty menstrual periods; high blood pressure; migraine headaches; asthma; epilepsy (convulsions or seizures); diabetes or a family history of diabetes; or a history of depression

WHAT IF | WANT TO BECOME PREGNANT AFTER USING DEPO-PROVERA CONTRACEPTIVE INJECTION?

Because DEPO-PROVERA is a long-acting birth control method, it takes some time after your last injection for its effect to wear off. Based on the results from a large study done in the United States, for women who stop using DEPO-PROVERA in order to become preg- nant, it is expected that about half of those who become pregnant will do so in about 10 months after their last injection; about two thirds of those who become pregnant will do so in about 12 months; about 83% of those who become pregnant will do so in about 15 months; and about 93% of those who become pregnant will do so in about 18 months after their last injection. The length of time you use DEPO-PROVERA has no effect on how long it takes you to become pregnant after you stop using it

WHAT ARE THE RISKS OF USING DEPO-PROVERA CONTRACEPTIVE INJECTION?

1. Irregular Menstrual Bleeding

The side effect reported most frequently by women who use DEPO-PROVERA for contra- ception is a change in their normal menstrual cycle. During the first year of using DEPO- PROVERA, you might have one or more of the following changes: Irregular or unpredictable bleeding or spotting, an increase or decrease in menstrual bleeding, or no bleeding at all. Unusually heavy or continuous bleeding, however, is not a usual effect of DEPO-PROVERA, and if this happens, you should see your health-care provider right away. With continued use of DEPO-PROVERA, bleeding usually decreases, and many women stop having peri- ods completely. In clinical studies of DEPO-PROVERA, 57% of the women studied report- ed no menstrual bleeding (amenorrhea) after 1 year of use, and 68% of the women studied reported no menstrual bleeding after 2 years of use. The reason that your periods stop is because DEPO-PROVERA causes a resting state in your ovaries. When your ovaries do not release an egg monthly, the regular monthly growth of the lining of your uterus does not occur and, therefore, the bleeding that comes with your normal menstruation does not take

Si

place. When you stop using DEPO-PROVERA your menstrual period will usuall return to its normal cycle. =

2. Bone Mineral Changes <3 Use of DEPO-PROVERA may be associated with a decrease in the amount stored in your bones. This could increase your risk of developing bone fract of bone mineral loss is greatest in the early years of DEPO-PROVERA use, bi begins to resemble the normal rate of age-related bone mineral Joss.

3. Cancer Studies of women who have used different forms of contraception found that wi used DEPO-PROVERA for contraception had no increased overall risk of develo of the breast, ovary, uterus, cervix, or liver. However, women under 35 years of first exposure to DEPO-PROVERA was within the previous 4 years may ha) increased risk of developing breast cancer similar to that seen with oral contre You should discuss this with your health-care provider. ’ ‘

4 Accidental Pregnancy > Because DEPO-PROVERA is such an effective contraceptive method, the:risk o pregnancy for women who get their shots regularly (every 3 months) is very low. have been reports of an increased risk of low birth weight and neonatal infa other health problems in infants conceived close to the time of injection, such, are rare. If you think you may have become pregnant while using DEPO-PROVEI traception, see your health-care provider as soon as possible. “a

5. Other Risks

Women who use hormone-based contraceptives may have an increased risk or stroke. Also, if a contraceptive method fails, there is a possibility that the will begin to develop outside of the uterus (ectopic pregnancy). While these e you should tell your health-care provider if you have any of the problems list section.

WHAT SYMPTOMS MAY SIGNAL PROBLEMS WHILE USING DEPO-PRO\ CONTRACEPTIVE INJECTION? :

Call your health-care provider immediately if any of these problems occur |

injection of DEPO-PROVERA: Sharp chest pain, coughing of blood, or sudden breath (indicating a possible clot in the lung); sudden severe headache or vol ness or fainting, problems with your eyesight or speech, weakness, or numb! or leg (indicating a possible stroke); severe pain or swelling in the calf (indicat clot in the leg); unusually heavy vaginal bleeding; severe pain or tenderness abdominal area; or persistent pain, pus, or bleeding at the injection site.

WHAT ARE THE POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF DEPO-PROVERA CONTRACEPTIVE INJECTION?

1. Weight Gain

You may experience a weight gain while you are using DEPO-PROVERA. Ab of the women who used DEPO-PROVERA in clinical trials reported a weight gai pounds during the first year of use. You may continue to gain weight after th Women in one large study who used DEPO-PROVERA for 2 years gained an a of 8.1 pounds over those 2 years, or approximately 4 pounds per year. Women ued for 4 years gained an average total of 13.8 pounds over those 4 years, or 2 ly 3.5 pounds per year. Women who continued for 6 years gained an average pounds over those 6 years, or approximately 2.75 pounds per year. Ҥ

2. Other Side Effects ; In a clinical study of over 3,900 women who used DEPO-PROVERA for up to 7: women reported the following effects that may or may not have been related to DEPO-PROVERA: Irregular menstrual bleeding, amenorrhea, headache,

abdominal cramps, dizziness, weakness or fatigue, decreased sexual desire, nausea, vaginal discharge or irritation, breast swelling and tenderness, bloating, the hands or feet, backache, depression, insomnia, acne, pelvic pain, no excessive hair loss, rash, and hot flashes. Other problems were reported by vi women in the clinical trials, but some of these could be serious. These include ¢ jaundice, urinary tract infections, allergic reactions, fainting, paralysis, osteopor return to fertility, deep vein thrombosis, pulmonary embolus, breast cancer, or ¢ cer. If these or any other problems occur during your use of DEPO-PRO'

them with your health-care provider. , )

SHOULD ANY PRECAUTIONS BE FOLLOWED DURING USE OF DEPO PR CONTRACEPTIVE INJECTION? :

1. Missed Periods During the time you are using DEPO-PROVERA for contraception, you may | or your periods may stop completely. If you have been receiving your DEI injections regularly every 3 months, then you are probably not pregnant. think that you may be pregnant, see your health-care provider.

2. Laboratory Test Interactions , If you are scheduled for any laboratory tests, tell your health-care provider using DEPO-PROVERA for contraception. Certain blood tests are affected such as DEPO-PROVERA.

3. Drug Interactions Cytadren (aminoglutethimide) is an anticancer drug that may significant effectiveness of DEPO-PROVERA if the two drugs are given during the same

4. Nursing Mcthers Although DEPO-PROVERA can be passed to the nursing infant in the breast ful effects have been found in these children. DEPO-PROVERA does no breasts from producing milk, so it can be used by nursing mothers. Howe the amount of DEPO-PROVERA that is passed to the infant in the first you should wait until 6 weeks after childbirth before you start using DEP contraception

HOW OFTEN DO | GET MY SHOT OF DEPO-PROVERA CONTRACEP

The recommended dose of DEPO-PROVERA is 150 mg every 3 months intramuscular injection in the buttock or upper arm. To make sure that you a at the time of the first injection, it is important that the injection be given on 5 days after the beginning of a normal menstrual period. If used following th child, the first injection of DEPO-PROVERA should be given within 5 days aft you are not breast-feeding or 6 weeks after childbirth if you are breast-fee longer than 3 months between injections, or longer than 6 weeks after health-care provider should determine that you are not pregnant before injection of DEPO-PROVERA.

receive a prescription.

The Upjohn Company

Kalamazoo, MI 49001, USA CB-2-S USJ 9527.00

(continued) sudden deaths as those who weren't.

Another recent study suggests that beta-carotene can help bat- tle the negative effects of the sun’s ultraviolet rays. Scientists at Cornell University, in Ithaca, New York, monitored the diets of 24 healthy men. Half of the men took a 30-milligram sup- olement of beta-carotene; the sther half, a placebo. The im- mune systems of men with low evels of beta-carotene were »nore easily weakened by the jun’s rays.

Other studies have linked

»yeta-carotene to a reduced risk of lung, colon, prostate, cervical and breast cancer. _ Beta-carotene converts inside 'he body into as much vitamin A vis is needed, making it impossi- »yle to take too much. It is possi- pole, by contrast, to overdose on } upplements of vitamin A, which ‘an cause liver ailments and ther problems.

HOW OFTEN, HOW MUCH? ~you think you should be tak- 1g these supplements, you're irobably wondering how often bh nd how much. Ask your doctor ir nutritionist to get an answer est suited to your individual »eeds. But, as a guideline, the -enter for Science in the Public jaterest recommends these ) mounts:

I Vitamin E The government's } DA is 30 IUs, but you can get }ptimal benefit from a daily dose nf 100 to 400 IUs. (Read vita- Niin labels to determine the 4 osage the pills contain.)

WI Vitamin C Though the RDA 1. 60 milligrams, it’s probably }-orth taking a daily dose of 250 1) 500 milligrams.

!1 Beta-carotene There is no |DA for beta-carotene, but 1 0,000 to 15,000 |Us per day iay be helpful. You don’t need on—beta-carotene vitamin A,

Pome, it should not be more ian the recommended dietary : lowance of 5,000 |Us.

Ask the PEDIATR!

Winter is prime time for doctors to field question: from anxious parents. These top M.D.s uddnees some of the most common concerns. By Ilene Springer

My child has been cough- ing for a week. Should | be concerned?

does not mean you au

tomatically should If your child develops a fever with a cough, seek medical attention because this may sug- gest an infection. A cold may turn into an ear infection or even pneumonia, and both usual- ly require antibiotics. Carol Phillips, M.D., professor of pediatrics at the University of Vermont College of Medicine, Burlington

Most coughs are due to viral infections, and these can go on for weeks. The impor- tant thing is to see how your child is doing oth- erwise. If she has no fever, is eating well

and tolerates normal exercise, then there’s not much to worry about—or do, except provide plenty of fluids to keep the respiratory passages moist.

You do have to wor- ry about croup, a com- plication of a viral infection, usually occur- ring in children aged three months to two years. It often starts as a runny nose and then pro- gresses to a_ high- pitched, barking cough, indicating the airways are getting narrow from swelling. If this happens, con- tact your doctor.

Usually, though, most coughs are more annoying than any- thing else. If your child coughs at night, try a mild over-the- counter children’s cough medicine. Chil- dren’s cold formulas are generally safe if they're taken only

JANUARY | My little girl has a temperature of | 103°F. What

should | do?

Fever itself is not a disease; it’s a symp- tom that the body is fighting an infection. So when your child has a temperature. stay in touch with your doctor—not because of the fever, but because of what might be causing it. More important than the actual temperature is how your child looks and acts. If your child eats okay and interacts and sleeps normally, it’s less likely that she has a serious illness. (Excep- tion: Always call your physician if an infant de- velops a fever of 100.5°F. or greater. With babies, it’s hard- er to determine what’s going on from their behavior.)

If your child isn’t uncomfort- able, you may not have to treat the

TAN VAR!